Cheebay!

My swan song for roti-kaya-jam

2007-04-12T18:17:00.000+08:00

The title says it all.

I AM MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEEEEEEEEEE.

I've found out that the grass is greener on the other side (which side, I shall not say, heeheehee) and I can finally kiss baby blogger goodbye!

Ironically, I'm not that sentimental about this blog, cos it's been a melting mess of emotions written based on a particular moment in life, at a certain place; a certain time.

true, though there are more bitter memories than sweet, its still my life.

Ok what the hell am I rambling on.

I've finally found out how to work the other blog (LIKE FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!) so I'm gonna use it now.

thanks to emma for enlightening me! (LOL)

And this time, it ain't gon be easy to read my entries. Nyeheheh.

If you want my link, ask it from me personally.

Till then, GOOD BYE ROTI-KAYA-JAM!!!

I'll miss you (but not much since I always suck badly at the blogskins )= ) thus I'm going to keep the archives till err...my dying day or something.

Haha the archives can go to hell for all i care lol.

Who actually cares about the archives right?

Till then, cheerios!

Msg me on the new blog!

PS: I'll occasionally check back on my tags here hehe..

2007-04-12T09:29:00.000+08:00

Action movie star

You scored 55% masculine, 52% athletic, 54% exotic, and 81% refined!

You love a manly man and you don't have time for boys. You like someone who looks exotic and who takes care of his body and hygiene. That is a good idea in case you are trying to eat jello shooters off of his beautiful 6 pack. Someone like.....Jean-Claude Van Damme, Belgium's hottest export. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on masculine
You scored higher than 99% on athletic
You scored higher than 99% on exotic
You scored higher than 99% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I SAY: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You and me

2007-04-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

I love tuesdays nights because of CSI and Cold Case, never mind the pro-american themes or its political incorrectness. They kept me pretty much entertained, considering the fact that I spent a whole day out of house; even though I'm dead beat from Sunday's hike up Mount Ophir and Monday's gym. Oh, add to that the fact that the time of the month has so inconveniently arrived. Oh, like finally.

*rolls eyes*

What a super long introduction, when all I wanted to share was this incredible song that aired during the last part of Cold Case; they always know how to get the best songs to suit the endings!

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive

"You and me" by Lifehouse. Actually this song's pretty old, their 3rd self-titled album came out way back in '05, where I was busy struggling with my inception into Republic-fucking-polytechnic, so I wasn't really into mainstream music. ~~not to mention I was an internet noob who never heard of torrenting, NOR engaged in the (now legal) act.~~

I heard this song once, then I fell in love with it. A good tune/melody and great lyrics make a wonderful song; this is one of the few who achieved that status, right alongside Evanescence's Lithium.

:D

And we all know how much I love Lithium. I love it so much, I sing it until I get a sore throat.

-_-"

lol w/e kthxbye.

MY NEW CRUSH!

2007-04-10T13:48:00.000+08:00

ok its official.

I have a new crush and he's way hotter than miller baby!

But uhh... my definition of sexy (for now) is:

- uber smart science nerd
- shy (or act shy?)
- awkward and clumsy
- MUST WEAR SPECS (hehehe)
- earns a 4 digit pay with a '4' as the first number (or more)

SORRY, CAN'T HELP IT!

NERDS ARE SO FUCKING SEXYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

+/-

2007-04-09T22:55:00.000+08:00

"I wanna stay in love with my sorrow;
but god i wanna let it go-"

This fixation is wrong. Too wrong.

HEXON YOU ARE SO GOING TO DIE.

2007-04-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

I refer to this post.

BLOODY HELL I WAS PUNK'D LAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO HUMILIATING CAN :(

HEXON VILLON JIMENEZ I SWEAR (and I'll say it again) I SWEAR I WILL *SOMEHOW* FIND MY WAY TO MIRI AND STRANGLE YOU.

Until then, you won't be safe- when you're sleeping, or in school, or in the toilet, I will hone my cerebral capabilitites until I know how to bend metal like that old ah pek in X-Men and have Prof. Xavier's mental telecommunication powers, so I can torture you mentally until you go crazy.

Then I'll err... go concoct some polyjuice potion and morph into a bird so I can fly to miri and peck you and andy (COS YOU WERE A PARTNER IN CRIME WITH HEXON!!!) to death... or something.

=/

... sob T_T

*chats repetitively*

I was punk'd. I was punk'd. I was punk'd.

Boohoo. =((((((

(edit)

ANYONE IN MIRI, OR FROM CURTIN UNIVERSITY, PLEASE LOOK OUT FOR AN ASS CALLED HEXON, HE LIKES TO CAM WHORE IN LIFTS, IF YOU SEE HIM, DO NOT HESITATE TO PUNCH OR TICKLE HIM TILL HE CRIES OUT FOR MERCY. KTHXBYE.

(/edit)

Finally some happy stuff. XD

2007-04-06T16:46:00.000+08:00

THIS VIDEO IS TEH SEX.

ITS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. PLEASE WATCH IT, YOU WON'T REGRET I SWEAR.

Hehehehe...

Speaking of other hilarious things, there's this dude calling himself "Dr.Marrion", and he's downright fucking funny, dissing twats. What are twats? Go find out yourself here.

And, life feels so much better now. :D

Excuse me while I run off into a field of pansies and roses-

Cheers!

My unhealthy habit. lol.

2007-04-04T08:41:00.000+08:00

I realise I have a very unhealthy habit that I engage in for most nights; depending on my mood of course. When I'm pretty happy, I tend to get too lost in the happiness and forget about everything else around me; but when I'm feeling blue, I'll be mulling over how dreadful my life is, and keep thinking about the cause(s) of my misery. AND forget about pretty much everything around me too. -_-"

I know I should erase every single fucken thing, because I can't trust myself not to look or touch or come into contact with every itty bit of reminder that (whatever) thing holds. It's not easy to just forget about someone who has crossed your path, especially if that person lingered around there for sometime and touched you in a special way; its just impossible unless I possess no heart nor soul.

The stupid thing about me is that I like to keep some semblance of happiness that I've gained when I was around whatever that previously kept me happy; I just can't force myself to erase every single thing, and I know, deep within me, that that will be the catalyst to my downfall, sometime later when I'm feeling blue... That melvinthebiggestmotherfuckerintheworld episode really fucked me up damn good, and when I looked back in my history of typed notes, I came across some err… stuff I found, but as I look back on what I typed, I realised that time DOES heal, and (thankfully) he has ceased to exist only in the most distant of my memories, to the point of obsolescence.

Ok whatever, this is one of the times I thank god for giving me a very quirky brain; I possess the uncanny ability to remember the tiniest and most overlooked details, but often times I can forget super huge stuff, like, taking out the clothes, or, what I did the night before, or what show falls on which day, unless its my favourite e.g. Desperate housewives, CSI or Ugly Betty

I guess I don't bother to remember things that do not directly benefit me, or, things that I believe someone else should remember. Yes, I'm not exactly someone who takes the initiative to do something, especially if it isn't for my benefit.

=/

I know, I know, that's bad, but I AM trying to change… You know, be less self-centered. Can't help it, born that way.

And millions of other Sagittarians as well, ha-de-ha.

But shit lah, I HATE IT when I remember, with anal precision, every tiny detail of something I'm not supposed to remember- it gets me from emo to emo^2 as I go "HAIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" all over again. And I can't help it, it's like an emotional reflex action: think too much, cannot solve, I go: "Haizzzzzzzzzz".

-_____-"

Oh damn it all to hell and beyond lah. Fuck everything. I just wish our school gym had a bloody punching bag, and I'll stick up the faces of all the assholes in the world I've ever hated and gain huge muscles just punching it all day. Killing two birds with one stone lol. Those multicolored pixels on bleached wood pulp fiber should do the trick, since utilizing all other possible outlets for channeling my anger will practically land me in jail. Ha ha ha.

Oh hell oh hell oh hell why MUST I BLOODY THINK OF IT NIGHT AND DAY HUH?

I keep reading yahoo answers, but I NEVER SEEM TO FIND THE ANSWER TO WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.

If anything, it makes me ask MORE questions.

Dots.

Nevermind, if I can't find an answer, I shall make one and stick to it.

Therefore from now on, I shall engage myself in even MORE activities so I WON'T have the time to sulk over it and like before, he/she/it will cease to exist in my current memory allocation.

The answer is not to get more RAM; the answer is to reduce the usage of RAM by UNINSTALLING THE APPLICATION THAT IS TAKING UP THE RAM USAGE AND REPLACING IT WITH MANY OTHER BENEFICIAL PROGRAMS!!

:D

See?! Who says you can't apply IT to life? I just did!

… meh.

Meh?

2007-04-03T14:05:00.000+08:00

Oh shit.

I have much more to learn about the world- the REAL WORLD, because sometimes I can't help thinking that its all pansies and roses with a few thorns for I view it from my tiny little secluded pinhole.

Its so narrow- so small, and goodness gracious, I thought I saw it all.

Turns out there's more than meets the eye.

But I'm tired, the world's going to end soon, people are becoming crazier so should I even bother?

I know, I make it sound as if I'm supposed to be four times my age, two times my weight and 0.8 times my height and wear clothes twice more than what I usually wear; rosary beads included.

meh.

But no, I'm still young, heck I'm only 19, and I can safely I haven't experienced half of what most peers my age group are experiencing (uhm, nothing dirty. I have my honour too you know) so, I am oh-so-deprived.

*rolls eyes*

Erm, you DO know that was sarcasm don't you... >.>

I guess I just want happiness, I hate getting into things that have strings attached- hidden or not, I just want life to be easy, free, solvable, happy and fun.

Again, what's the point of this post? Lol, beats me, I have no idea too.

Ah, now I get it.

This is exactly what a blog is for. :)

Its kinda funny how life likes to make me unhappy

2007-04-03T08:41:00.000+08:00

I heard the vista start-up tune emanate from my phone, and by default, my heart immediately fluttered.

You know the thing about conditioning? Like muscles, or weight loss, it takes time for something desirable to be achieved. Just like doing weight training to build muscle mass which is noticeable only after like, 2 weeks, so was my fondness for you.

Uhm. Whatever.

You know the other weird thing? Intuition. Such a powerful tool that god bestowed upon his beings, yet people like me take it for granted. Or, maybe I just don't know how to master it yet. My intuition was right from the very beginning, yet my heart- my desires brushed it away. I so very much wanted to believe in some stupid dream that I had; and me being constantly in awe of you wasn't of much help either.

Hope, stupid hope. That stupid attribute people of my star sign are so famous for. Famous is one thing, being blind is another. Oh, add naiveté to the whole concoction too and you get me, the naïve Sagittarius.

Well, naïve I may be, but stupid I am not, that I can guarantee. I guess I'm much more lucky this time round; I managed not to get into too much deep shit, unlike the previous... episode.

Which we shall not even mention (however sparingly) from now on, because I, Jam, have simply moved on.

I have no idea why my love life (or lack thereof) always sucks. Well, perhaps because I suck too, but lets not go there because I don't want to sound like some self-deprecating emo kid who thinks the whole goddamned world is against her for her looks... Or something.

Meh, tell me why I'm even writing this out.

Maybe to get it off my chest.

Like as if you care.

Like as if ANYONE cares…

The promise.

2007-03-30T18:47:00.000+08:00

Remember.... our promise.

The one you made to me on a lazy Friday evening, the one with the lazy romantic drawl of Norah Jones in my ear, where you...

ok I shall shut up already and let you see in "black and white" your oath.

And I will make good that promise to you too.

That is, the one where I will go to sembawang and drag your arse out of your house if you don't show up at school.

HAHAHAHHAHAHA

Questioning the world

2007-03-30T14:30:00.000+08:00

You know I really don't wanna sound like some despo or something, but I really wish that some intelligent, witty, deep, caring, considerate gentleman would just suddenly fall down from heaven right into my lap.

Someone with whom I can get along great on the same level, someone who understands my jokes (and can better them), someone who is a great conversationalist (and can keep up with my spates of randomness), someone who respects women and... someone I can fall in love deeply with and possibly get married to.

lol.

Why am I typing all of these out again?

Oh, to tell the random reader that I'm not like most girls and that I seek a challenge of wits with the occasional romance injected into it.

Ahhhh how I long for some witty conversation about how Bush is like a puppet for the Jews, or, why is water H2O and not O2H(ok, I know why already, I just like being random) or, what is love, and why does it make the world go round and down.

Speaking of love- what exactly IS love? Why is it that people don't believe online relationships can't work out and that it's not true love when the two people haven't met? So they're trying to imply that love is strictly able to be felt on the physical level only? If so, then how come people can fall out of love? And to what extet does lust play a part in love? Many people in the world mistake love for lust- but we all know that sex is sex, and love is commitment.

Why call sexual intercourse "making love" when supposedly "love" brought the two together? Shouldn't it becalled something more appropriate, like, "Experiencing love"? But then again, its lust, unless you're talking about legitimate sexual realtions with one's spouse.

So, again, what the fuck IS love? Is it the heat flush you feel in your cheeks whenever he passes you by? Is it the romantic, meaningful walks on the beach, hand in hand with your significant other? If love is so strong, so physical and completely emotional, then how come those who have been in a coma and who have lost their memory fail to remember their loved ones? (E.g. Mike Delfino in Desperate housewives)

Is love so fragile and VIRTUAL- so much so that the line between real and imaginary is blurred? So what, that means love exists only on one's memories?

What then about the hot flushes, the blushes, the long meaningful walks on the beach?

What are those? What about the presents, the little cards, the serenade beneath the beautiful moonlight?

Its funny isn't it, how much a human can do for love, to the extent of dying for a someone, or something, or even God, but we all fail to realise that once a person's memory is lost, the love just ceases to exist.

Its gone, just like that. Like it never existed.

That's why in the Holy Quran, Allah said that this world is but an illusion. The real deal, ladies and gentlemen, is in the Afterlife.

So why exactly am I still pursuing the worldly desires? What exactly are we humans all pursuing? Happiness?

Can one define happiness? What, the state of exultance? The act of being in an exulted and/or joyful mood?

What is happiness? ... joy.

What is joy? ... happiness.

You get my point -_-"

So what exactly IS happiness also? Something virtual too? And why have I made references to love and happiness as virtual? Well, its not the online, WWW kind of virtual, I deem it as such because I can't touch it. Its not there for me to hold. But I know its there.

Get what I mean?

Ahh sheesh. I've just eaten lunch, and if I don't stop thinking soon I'm going to get hungry again.

-_-"

5 days. Fiii-v--eee

2007-03-30T09:12:00.000+08:00

I had a very insightful sms session with my smelly linsy babats yesterday night, and it amazes me, everytime, how uncannily close we are. We're both going through a somewhat similar situation right now, and it occurred to me that this isn't the first time that we both have, at the same point of time, undergone and/or are feeling the same wave of emotions.

There was a point in time last year where I was going through (yet) another hellish spate of events; and although we both spared each other the details until a later time, it dawned on me that we were both experiencing some sort of pain or heartache, nevermind from a different cause, at the same time.

And, its not only with linsy smelly, but also with Sai bacins and Nuwul laling too.

Sheesh. No wonder we're all so close. LOL.

XD

Anyway, I haven't been online (much) for these past few days because my replacement charger (the one I bought for 65 buckaroos) pretty much fizzled out of my life. Literally. It came, it worked and it went.

With a fizzle, crack and pop, Poof! It was gone.

(sorry for this interjection, but this sounds somewhat similar to that Koko Crunch commercial...)

Just like that, out of the blue, when for the previous hour or so it was working goddammed fine.

Ahh well. Not having internet and maple for 5 days didn't kill me, apparently.

I'm still alive and kicking HAHAHA :D

On to more pressing issues at hand... Ok wait, I have TONS of "pressing issues", so to save myself the embarassment, I shall discuss about the ones that aren't TOO personal... Cos one can't be too sure who's reading one's blog eh? ;)

1. My PP (professional profiling) is not done yet. I haven't even written a SINGLE LETTER with regards to it. And I'm supposed to interview Ms Sylvia Lim (Worker's Party Chair(wo)man) because she's my superhero idol and I lubb herr many manyyy. Hee hee. She rocks lah, basically. She's helming one of the greatest Opposition parties in Singapore, so don't blame me for looking up to her. The very epitome of woman power- she can juggle politics and work single handedly, and chair an opposition party as well. If I were a man, I'd tackle her already LOL. XD

2. FYP. Ahhh... the bane of every third year student. Well, unlike most of my Science peers doing intensive lab work (which pretty much took up most of their holidays) I can safely say that my days of slacking around at home and going to the gym is going to be up soon, because once school starts, I will have little or no time to even step into the gym, unless its on a saturday. Hmm.. that sounds good. Gym on saturday... Ok, lets not digress. My FYP is concerned with the workings of an anaerobic membrane bioreactor. In English means one of those industrial contraptions that deals with water purification using membrane technology (Read: New-waterish kind of stuff. Eugh.) So basically we're going to work with pseudo-shit water (LOL) which is termed 'pseudo' because it isn't really shit per se, we have to MAKE THE SHIT WATER ourselves using a ready mix.

-_____-"

Well, you're thinking that's going to be darn swell, no? Well, guess again.

Pseudo or not, shit water still STINKS LIKE FUCK, so, yeah.

Hurhur. =((

*grumbles about working with stinky pseudo shit water*

3. Uhhh. I need to lose like, tons of weight, but I've been bingeing on food since thursday. =( I ate three meals!!! How horrible can that be!!! And err the reason for that was because I was bored. Hmm. I'm a bored eater. That's why I'd rather be outside doing something rather than nothing. And if you ask why I didn't go out, it was because it was RAINING CATS AND DOGS AND ELEPHANTS AND HORSES YESTERDAY. So horrible, I couldn't get to visit my beloved beautiful sanctuary. =((

4. Ok I don't understand this, but why do people hate going to the gym? Ok before someone throws a rotten banana at me for asking this question for the 1289746115th time, let me stress upon the aim of this question- which is simply- TO ASK and NOT to force/indirectly coerce you into joining me at the gym. Honest! Cross my heart and hope to die. Forgive me, but I simply cannot fathom WHY gym is so abhorrent to the point of eliciting responses that aren't dissimilar to "EYERRRR GYM!" or "DOWAN LA!" or "I HATE GYM LAH YUCKS!", as if I'm asking you to join me at some sleazy strip club at Geylang or something.

Eh, wait, strip club not too bad hor.... =/

*ahem*

Anyway, yeah, WHY? Can someone explain to me WHY YOU HATE GYM?

Sms your answer in this format:

Name [space] your I/C no. [space] Your answer and send it to 448496 (IH8GYM)

... HAHA no, just kidding. ^^

Sheesh. Ok la, its not as if the machines are going to eat you up or something... Or maybe you're afraid you'll fall off the treadmill? Or perhaps you're scared of the weights falling on your head or something...

Ahhhh apa-ever. Do tag me or leave me a comment. I'm really stumped.

On my part, I've done all I can to try to convince you guys to join me in a healthier living plan, but, sadly, only a couple are keen for it =((

Nevermind, I shall find some other activites for us to do... hee hee hee....

Ok before this post gets inanely long, I shall stop here and attempt to get my maple character in shape. Idiot andy is already level 62!!!! And so is Mc's dit!!

!@)(#&**(!@&$!^$!(^$*$!$@

And jakey's cleric is probably level 54 or something.

AND I'M STILL 53

T___________________T

PS: Thanks andy bro for helping me play! Tho its only a while =/

Drink up, sweet decadence

2007-03-27T16:12:00.000+08:00

Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely
now I can't let go of this dream
can't believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
its been such a long time coming, but I feel good

and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
pour real life down on me
cause I can't hold on to anything this good
enough
am I good enough
for you to love me too?

so take care what you ask of me
cause I can't say no

- Good enough, The Open Door album, Evanescence

XXIII

2007-03-24T12:18:00.000+08:00

As an unperfect actor on the stage
Who with his fear is put besides his part,
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
Whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart.
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say
The perfect ceremony of love's rite,
And in mine own love's strength seem to decay,
O'ercharged with burden of mine own love's might.
O, let my books be then the eloquence
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,
Who plead for love and look for recompense
More than that tongue that more hath more express'd.
O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit.

current mood: lost

2007-03-23T13:15:00.000+08:00

I remembered that I used to prepare blog posts when I was bored at home, and I let the stillness of the night carry my thoughts through on my one note program, but alas, I don't feel like putting it up here.

Reason being is because something else happened at night (morning?) as I revisited old feelings; feelings I shouldn't be feeling anymore, feelings I should have long past put behind me, feelings that hurt, feelings that should just stay the fuck out of my life.

and i'm lost, lost, lost in my thoughts, lost in my heart, I don't know if I should follow my brain or my heart.

I'm a science student. I'm trained to follow my brain, and not my heart. The supposedly "less risky and dangerous path", which is good for losers, but this time, when it comes to life, when it comes to... this complex situation, I'm... at a loss.

Some say leh, some say lah. Some say heart, some say use your brain sudah!

=(

I can't help feeling that this is a risky situation, and I am so tempted to plunge headfirst into it because like many people said, you never know what might happen.

A someone I've grown to be fond of told me: "Life is all about taking chances"

:)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FREAKS.

I just found out something which I don't know whether to laugh or be angry at.

LOL.

CHEEBAY.

Dum-de-doo.

2007-03-22T15:05:00.000+08:00

There's this beautiful park near my house, and of late, I've been going there everytime I feel the need to get in touch with nature, or get some fresh air, or to pass the boredom away. Alot has been happening this week, and I have tons of stuff on my mind, which explains the walks to the park perfectly.

=/

Anyway, decided to take some pictures today; boy were the flowers so pretty, but I got rudely awakened from my dreamy walk in the park by mummy dearest because she started to get terrified when I wasn't in the house. -_-"

So, yeah, here we go (excuse the obvious lack of photography skills and poor picture quality. there's a noob behind the phone camera) [ps: all images can be clicked on]

Firstly, before my mini-expedition, I brought along these:

For obvious reasons.

And, this:

Look closely, its a leaflet. Decided to grab some reading material out from the postbox just before I left in case I get bored of musing over life while sitting amongst the birds and... ants. Meh.

This shot evokes a sense of... oh, I don't know, expectancy? You know, towards what life has in store for us... The "Long Road Ahead" kind of feeling. lol.

Oh shit, another "The Long Road Ahead" shot! =P

-_-"

Oh look, a pretty little flower emerging from a stump. This reminded me of yesterday, I was so mad, I said that I'd kill every flower I saw on my walk to the park, and that lots of flowers were going to go to flower heaven, but meh, I'm too wimpy to stomp on the first flower I saw because... it was too pretty.

-_____________-"

Don't ask why I was mad. When your laptop decides to go shit on you, ANYONE would go mad. Heh.

Woo, nice clouds! Heh.

- A closer shot at the nice clouds. lol.

This stupid mini flood blocked my way. I decided to just try to walk across it...

with baby steps....

But gave up after the 3rd step because the water was too much. -_-" Took a detour using the mini hill on the left.

a mini hill like this, only without the weird ass rock on top. =/

Oh, looky here, another weird ass rock out in the middle of nowhere. Boy, the landscaping artist sure has some weird ideas for landscaping...

...more weird ass rocks. -_-" (but this one's a wee bit nicer, don't you think?)

Behold.... Jamsy unleashing her newfound landscaping talent:

1 weird arse plant/pot thingy

+ 1 messy set of manicured bushes

= 1 helluva weird landscape thingy!

:D

And I say: "ITS ART!"

(applause please)

lol.

Haha, ok enough nonsense. Let's move on to "Le Focal Pointe" of the park i.e. The Pond. (Which I hate because... ok just look at the pictures)

See? So murky right? Yeeeeeeergh. I wish they cleaned that up :(

Aiya...... forgot to change the direction of this picture. Dang. Nevermind, just tilt your head to the left to read... lol. In case you failed Goddamned-easy-to-read-signs class, here's a re-cap. Top says: No fishing, while bottom says: No swimming.

Actually, this sign is pretty redundant, who the HELL in their right mind would want to cast a fishing rod into that swamp, let alone SWIM in it? Jeez. -_-"

The view of the pond from inside one of them lil' houses.

What house you ask?

This house:

Nah closer look:

(hee hee, spot the odd ones out XD)

That is the cutest excuse for a primieval trash can. XD Not that they had trash cans/bins back then, but they HAD to throw their waste somewhere right? >.>

Emo emo alone also still cannot resist camwhoring. :D

Then, I tried to sex up the granite column holding the "house", but....

Phailed miserably. =(

I swear, I heard something crack when I left the place... Not sure if its my eyes or not, but I think I saw a crack in the support column.... Oh nevermind, I can pose with the tree.

Maybe the tree cracked too, but I couldn't care less because my mum called to relay her ph34r f0R r0bb3rz, so I scooted back home as fast as I could...

But not without a few last pictures!

(Shot these while running:)

The ever irresistable manicured hedge that landscaping artists LOVE to use!

There're like TONS of this type of tree planted there... If I'm not wrong, this should be a Rhu tree (Pokok Rhu).... or something... My aunt was named after this tree (Che'ru: Pronounced Cik Roo)

***************

Ohkay, that's all folks! Maybe I shall take a video of the place next time or something... I really like it, so peaceful in the morning; an absolute heaven when you lie down on a mini hill with the warmth of the sun shining on your face and the fresh breeze sweep across your face...

This is just one of the things I like about my homeplace.

This is, ladies and gentlemen...

My sanctuary.

Musings from an awed mind

2007-03-22T09:19:00.000+08:00

I find human beings amazing creatures. One race, one humanity; but oh, the diversity! Its wonders never cease to amaze me; its like a huge book filled with endless pages of intrigue and suspense.

Surpassing expectations, defying norms, breaking stereotypes- human beings have done them all.

The scientific mind wants to categorize every thing; the scientist wants to see their perfected classification stay that way, and that may hold true for their numerous chemical experiments, but it won't hold true for human beings.

And that, people, is the beauty of it all.

"Never judge a book by its cover", warns that oft quoted line. Many people take it for granted; its just another quote that makes perfect sense for a few seconds after its heard, then promptly forgotten after.

We need to keep experiencing life to be able to remember that, for humans easily forget.

Forgot I did, till I met certain people who surpassed my expectations and defied the norms; they broke the stereotype that I placed, they intrigued me to no end.

And they still intrigue me till this day...

------

And, I don't know. I apologise for looking out for myself. >.>

update schmuckdate

2007-03-16T20:12:00.000+08:00

Urm, the don't mind the last two angst-filled posts. Haven't been having a great holiday for a few weeks...

Well, lets have an update on my life shall we? Uhh... Ok this is going to be random.

- I fell sick for no reason, and have been sick for 1 week and 2 days. No, make that 3 since I feel better only today. I had the worst experience ever, and add to that horrible sickness, the lackadaisical attitude my daddy dearest *pukes* took towards my wellbeing, you could say I had the worst week of my life.

- My ex-maple ~~victim~~ bf annoyed the hell out of me, and I needed a way to get rid of him, so I consulted (of all people) smelly yz and a few others. HAHAHAHA. In the end, the previous episode (read: previous post) acted as the catalyst to get rid of him from the guild (and my life) for good... Lol. But I'm still remorseful over the way I treated him though. I told him to 'stfu'. =X I am bad, very bad… I feel sucky thinking about it -_-"

- I REALLY MISS RP'S GYM AND BADMINTON COURT. How my feet ache for its return onto the dirty, scruffy hallowed halls of the RP Sports Centre. I miss the sound and feel of my rubber soles on the wood… oh, le sigh.

- I wish I could recover instantly, like, NOW so that I can hurry up and play badminton with my bro (his skillz are gonna be damn rusty man….)

- I finally downloaded hamachi, so WHO'S UP FOR A GAME OF CS!!!!!!!! LET ME KNOW OGAY!

- My dad shocked the bejeezus out of me this afternoon when I was busy playing maple. Out of the blue his goddammed voice came out in the obligatory Muslim greeting, and I almost peed in my pants- ALMOST- but thank god I was too calm to do that. Instead, I professionally ripped the cable out of my laptop, arranged it nicely back into its coil on the floor and attempted to silently switch the modem off. DAMN THAT BLOODY SWITCH IS SO NOISY! After that, I locked my laggy computer and pretended to be sleeping in my room. And you know what? I saw my cute bro run up the stairs to warn me that daddy was back. HAHAHAHAAHAHA AMAGAWD YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HIS FACE! >.<

- Ok la, I miss my linsy schmatsy and sai smelly and nuwulsy bacins... :( I WANT TO SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK I DUN CARE!

Ok bye.

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

2007-03-14T12:01:00.000+08:00

So, this is how you repay me?

What happened to 'assistant'?

I bet you forgot "Jam, I owe you one man". Oh, multiply that by the 1324134786 times you repeated it also, for various times I did SOMETHING that benefitted you.

Fuck assistant, fuck IOUs.

I demand to know why I am undeserving of the Jr. Master status.

Its not that I want to be anal about this, in fact, that's the least of my worries; the important thing is that you demoted me to a mere member for some unknown god dammed reason. I don't accept the reasons andy and hex gave me because, what the fuck does the fact that andy and des coming back to play has got anything to do with demoting me to a mere member?

So what, all these while I've been doing nothing for the guild? Who was the one who talked the most? Who was the one who got the members to open up more? Who was the one who always had something to say? Who was the one who loved the guild so much? Who was the one who took care of guild matters when the previous jrs were absent from mapling? Who gelled the members closer? Who was alongside you when you floundered over how 'dead' the guild was?

Who, I ask?

Who?

The wall?

Have you, my dear leader, forgotten who put in so much effort for the guild because she loved the people in it and not because of some stupid jr status?

Its not abt me being jr or whatever, it’s the fact that you didn't even have the courtesy to even INFORM ME that you were going to demote me, for some weird reason which until now is still undecipherable to me.

And, WHY? Why did you demote me? The most important question. Why did I do, or, did not do enough?

And you still have the galls to say "not happy, can leave?" Like, the only 2 people who were previously nevermores are ME and Shadow.

I do hope you were aiming that at him and not me, because if it was me, god, I don't know what to say. I don't know what I said or did to piss you off badly that you see me as a nothing (someone who is in the way perhaps?), because if that was the case, then I apologise.

Was it the numerous intrusions into your personal space? Different people have different definitions for personal space. I apologise if I have intruded into yours, I swear its unintentional. Its just that I'm curious by nature, and I like to help people, and you always know you can choose not to respond, I will respect your decision and wishes.

Or, was it my mouth? Yes, I know sometimes I talk a lot- too much for my own good, were you pissed off by that? Oh, sorry for being a sociable person, can't help doing that.

Other than those 2, I am absolutely stumped as to why you'd hate me so much to demote me for no reason.

Oh wait! Yeah! That's it!

I'm a NOBODY TO YOU!

That's it isn't it? I'm just this annoying girl who pokes her nose into people's business too much, and oh, how on EARTH can you get rid of me?

Well, you did a fine job with that, you found the magical formula to get rid of me. After all, I am quite a nuisance, no?

Oh its ok, it happens all the time.

You know the funny thing in all of this?

The thing was, I regarded you as not only a friend, but a good one, and wow, suddenly this happened. Friends do this sort of thing to each other, I wonder? If that's the case, might as well I don't have friends, right?

Or maybe I was too hasty in calling you my friend? The feeling might not be mutual, how was I to know?

Disappointing, so disappointing.

YOU can't even BEGIN to comprehend the sacrifice I made on... various occasions for YOU. Looking back, you don't even deserve it! In silence I suffered so much, for your happiness... and this is what I get in return?

I applaud you. You are such a great leader.

I don't know what you have against me, but I'd appreciate it if you could tell it to my face. Please don't forget that I'm good friends with your brother, do you want to take that away too?

Oh whatever. You've caused me much misery already. I hope you have a good life with your beloved guild. Oops, I mean, clique of close friends. Might as well make it private eh?

Private and without me in it, for I don't deserve this shit.

Yours in utmost pissed off sincerity,

Jamsy Whamsy

_|_

2007-03-10T14:45:00.000+08:00

I hate you.

And this is not the first, nor second, nor third time I'm saying this.

I hate you so much to the core.

Why are you this way?

You never want to understand, never want to involve yourself, never want to care.

Yes, when your own fucking child is fucking sick like fucking fuck you don't even bother to ask what's wrong- not that you ever asked whats wrong before- so why can't you fucking change that?

What the FUUUUUUUUCK IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?

And you're so nasty- SO FUCKING NASTY, Well, MY APOLOGIES FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKED UP CHILD OK?

You're so bloody imperfect yourself, what do you think your spawn will turn out like huh?

Some little angel?

If there's anyone to blame, its YOU, YES, YOU, DADDY DEAREST.

I hate you, I hate your voice, I hate your presence, I hate your condescending tone, I hate your nastiness, I hate the way you NEVER CARE FOR ME, I simply HATE YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU.

I hate you to the core, even though you're my father, who I should rightfully respect.

I'm probably going to hell for all of this shit, but I just hate you so much, I wish sometimes you'd evaporate into thin air, or, combust spontaneously out of my life.

Yes, its not you, its me.

Isn't it always me?

Its not mama's fault, its mine, EVERY-FUCKING-THING is my FUCKING FAULT.

I AM THE MOST STUPIDEST, LOUSIEST DAUGHTER EVER.

Yeah, well, reality check for you, DAD, You're the lousiest FATHER ANY GIRL WOULD EVER HAVE.

I pity any girl who has you for her dad, thus I pity myself.

Nevermind, once I'm done with my duties, I'll be OUT OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN SAY BYE.

Not that you ever say bye, you just grunt, so, yeah.

Once I'm old enough I'll get away from you people just you watch me.

And no one will stop I hate everything, I hate you, I hate the world, I hate myself for being such a fucktard, god, why did you ever let me be born, I also don't know.

Ok, whatever, I can't question that, only God knows.

God, please save from this hellhole, I just want to be alone.

10 things I want to say out loud, off the top of my head.

2007-03-01T18:58:00.000+08:00

1. Poseurs and/or fakes and/or imitations and/or bootlickers should fuck off and get a life. Kthxbye.

2. I cycled 18.4 km today. ... i think it's KM lah. Tak kan 18.4 metres kan. -_-"

3. I wanna thank nuwul for supporting me in this healthy living plan!! Going to the gym, badminton and all. We are SO proud of ourselves! Man, I never thought this was possible 2 years ago. >.>

4. Gym is fucking fun. PLEASE DO JOIN US!!!!!!! Mondays and Wednesdays.

5. Depite him being a mutinous dirty little rat, I decided to be a saint and let this matter go. I shall (therefore) not discreetly sneak laxatives and/or sorbitol into my brother's food when he's not looking because that's wrong. =X
(no, actually, I must be understanding cos he was pissed at me, *rolls eyes*)

6. Somehow I have acquired another adopted brother by the name of Andy. @_@

ALL HAIL JAMSY THE GREAT AND HER LEGION OF ADOPTED BROTHERS!!!

*ominous sound of thunder and soprano voices singing in latin tongue in background*

7. My butt aches from sitting uncomfortably. I have a flat butt and I can do nothing about it except stare at people with gorgeous round butts and lust after it in pained silence ):

[read: younger brother's butt is as round as a... rounded thing.)

8. I don't know if you still patronize my blog or not, but I'm still wondering if you are my friend. Points to YOU, YOU, YOU and YOU.

You people know who you are. -_-"

(i think. =/)

9. My mother knows I CANNOT resist chicken, let alone FRIED CHICKEN. ):

My diet plan ruined sia.

*Come cry with me, let's cry, let's cry away....* (to the tune of "Come fly with me")

10. Hello.

Happyness

2007-02-28T10:49:00.000+08:00

I love the feeling of being to stare at *IT* in the face and smile as if nothing has happened.

That ability is AMAZING!

It's like, all the nonsense never happened. I can bravely stare it in the face and say: "HAR HAR HAR YOU AIN'T GONNA GET ME EMO THIS TIME ROUND, SUCKA" and smile widely after that.

Hey, do you want to know how it feels like? Really? Ok.

Just imagine this- you're superman/woman, and the hugest, gigantic-est abomination of a cockroach (DON’T ASK, JUST... COCKROACH OK!) attempts to impale you with its hand/feeler thingy but you have this inexplicable strength and bravado that you feel, NOTHING can penetrate you. And you fear cockroaches as much as lipids fear water, so that's saying a lot. =/

Its like, feeling invincible and KNOWING THAT YOU ARE! It's the very zest of life, it's the essence of freedom, it's like running down a rainbow into a field of beautiful yellow and pink flowers!

Ahh, ok wait, maybe not the last part. That sounds wrong.

@_@

Anyway,

THIS FEELING RAWKS MY SAWKS LAH SIAL!

I'm feeling synthetic elation*, and its most probable cause is a chemical imbalance somewhere within my cranium, but FUCK, I DON'T CARE, THIS IS AWESOMEZXZXZX!!!!111132323

I can finally move on with a happy heart.

No wait, I moved on already. *slaps head*

-----

Anyway, "gym" yesterday was actually a whole morning of badminton, because the three chickens in the badminton court had no guts to approach the gym which was CRAWLINGGGGGGGGG with Dragonboat people.

(Dragonboat = sexy, tanned, muscular babes and hunks from the dragonboat team T_T)

And I PHUCKING MEAN CRAWLING OK. I don't mean it in a vicious way though, as if they're some sort of cockroach infestation, (eeks cockroach again!) but one can't help but use the word 'crawling' when one observes from the topmost floor... @_@

Anyway, it was a very slack day, although Nuwul and I did OUR WARM UP PROPERLY!

COMPLETE WITH JUMPING JACKS, SIT UPS, PUSH UPS and…

A JOG AROUND THE COURT FIVE TIMES!

FUUUYOH!!!!!!!

I love nurul lah can! She's so sporting, despite feeling sleepy. (I love you too la kak long, even tho you're like one Puteri ~~sesat mana~~ Lilin dowan to do warm up, you accompany us can already LOL)

Haiya, but I had to be an ass later and sleep halfway through the session because I was feeling sleepy…

Don't ask why I was feeling sleepy, I slept at 1 am the night before because I was too excited about gym the next day and despite feeling hyped up in the earlier part of the morning, I JUST HAD TO GET SOME SHUT EYE.

It wasn't even sleep lah, I was conscious enough to know that Perfect 10 played an acoustic version of Gavin De Graw's song, but it was satisfactory enough because after that, my energy levels shot back up (which lasted the same amount of time I can finish a plate of chicken rice >.>) and made me feel (less) guilty.

I don't need sleep, I need to close my eyes.

I probably think I can 'sleep' standing up sia. It’s the eyes; its ALWAYS the eyes. They're not 7-11, unlike some people who can play maple for 2 days straight... *stares at a certain person*

>.>

------

Ok, now on to more disturbing matters. A couple of days ago, my dad showed me a leaked video of the Yishun MRT incident, in which a bangladeshi worker jumped onto the train tracks, FROM HIDING UNDER THE PLATFORM, when the train rushed past by.

FUCKING DISTURBING.

I CAN REMEMBER EVERY MOMENT OF THE VIDEO, DESPITE NOT WANTING TO. THE COLORS OF THE CLOTHES, THE TYPES OF PEOPLE THERE, THE COLOR OF THE TRAIN- RED AND WHITE.

%_%

It lasted for around 40 seconds, it went like, the commuters were all milling around waiting for the train to arrive, and in the distance, you could see it arriving with its insane speed, then- SUDDENLY- OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE, this motherfucker JUMPS OUT FROM UNDER THE PLATFORM and places himself on the tracks neatly, waiting for his death to arrive.

I wanted to cry after that.

There was no blood, no gore, but TELL ME WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING DISTURBING?

WHY?!

I felt so fucked up after watching the video, its so unsettling, I keep thinking about it so much, I think about it when I'm bathing, when I'm zoning off, when I'm walking.

It’s as disturbing as watching Brokeback mountain, during the scene where the… two men… err… satisfy themselves in the behind.

That fucking scene still haunts me till today, sometimes I wish I wasn't so curious to watch it. Same goes for this stupid MRT video.

Dumb things like this can unsettle and upset me a lot, and most of the time I'll be in shock mode initially, and the realization of its weight will kick in some time later.

That's when I feel like shit.

And and and I can still remember the malay guy who saw the man jump out and… place himself on the tracks; he jumped in a reflex action and started running away backwards, and when the rest of the commuters around him realised what was happening, they all ran away too.

For obvious reasons.

-_-"

Its so disturbing, so so so unsettling; this is the exact reason why horror movies that depict gore fall below the yellow line on the list of movies I watch.

And below the yellow line means it stays 100 feet away from me, physically or electronically.

And one of the things I constantly think about is:

What if I could turn back time and be there at that time, and *just* before the train approaches him, I press the emergency red button?

What if that happened?

What would have happened to the man, to the commuters, what would the media say?

Hmm. Interesting, yes, but still disturbing nonetheless.

I guess I should stop ranting on about how yadayadayada, dusturbing, yadayadayada it is, and go get some work done or something.

Till then, everyone.

Keep sane and don't go doing stupid things like jumping in front of MRT tracks ok?

You make people like me curse and swear on your soul because you scare the fuck of me.

Ok ok BYE!

LELS.

2007-02-27T18:54:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through my chat logs yesterday night to get someone's number cos I forgot to take it down, and well well well.

See what I found!

HAHAHAHAAHAHHA I LOVE LINSY CAN!?

^_^

Show me how it ends~

2007-02-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

I realised, its been about a month.

What a dangerous thing love is, it creeps up from nowhere then stings you; before you know it, you're head over heels, body, mind and soul inundated with its poison. Its like being trapped in a never-ending flow of honey- so sweet and beautiful yet deceiving- its so hard to get out of its grasp when you know you should.

Stupid cupid.

For years and centuries, humans all over the world have thrown countless swears and curses on this mythical being called Cupid, who supposedly shoots arrows into peoples' hearts to make them fall in love. Some call it fate (jodoh), some call it pheromones, some call it stupidity, but really, don't we all just want to blame a non-existent being when things don't go our way?

Gosh, I should start marketing anti-cupid posters, or shirts, or even pens, considering the amount of victims his benignly malevolent (lol) arrows hits.

I believe, that right there among the list of weird facts of life, below the one that says the probability of having a male or female offspring is 50%, is the rule of life #4, stating: "Every successful get together of a couple must end up with a 3rd person getting hurt."

That's why I said, that bloody cupid should get some bloody shooting lessons! He anyhow shoot shoot one!!

Tsk.

I realised also, that it takes me an average of about 3.5 weeks before I fall for someone.
~~Although Wu Zun's was 3.5 seconds....~~

Oh, le sigh.

Sometimes I wish I didn't just fall so easily for people. I wish I was this hardhearted, cold person whose heart isn't so easily stolen; whose walls aren't so easily broken and whose heart isn't worn on her sleeve because its better that way, for my own safety and well being.

It never ever seems to work out; I never seem to fall for the right people, THERES ALWAYS SOMETHING THAT ISN'T RIGHT.

Most of the time its me, but what the heck. Take it or leave it, I'm me. Don't mess with imperfection, it can get very messy.

---------

The latest one was a close shave, I can bet you. May secrets be kept in our memories forever and brought to our graves.

Amin.

--------
As an afterthought…

How I rated on the casualty meter this time: 7.2 out of a possible 10.

Despite the *ahem ahems*, this time it wasn't as painful as 05's one because well, hmm. I don't know also. Perhaps this time Allah was there to ease some of the burden; he works in mysterious ways eh. Furthermore, unlike 2 years ago, I have so many people here for me, to offer me their much needed support and ears and/or msn windows to get me through that rough patch of time. To the unconcerned person, it's just another day passing by in this year of 2007, but to me it was like trying to get out of shit that I fell in, every agonizing moment of it. I still remember the date I stabbed myself in the heart with cupid's arrow, but thankfully the wound has healed. All that's left is a song I wrote and sang, which I occasionally chuckle to myself after hearing. Hey, who knows, one day it might even be a hit!

=D

PS: Jannah and Adam, can I consult you both on that song I wrote? :D I'd like to do a recording of it, with a band, cos it's an cappella version … >.>

---------

Unlike linsy babats who is jaded to the core with men and their endless nonsense (experienced dol; MOTHER OF THREE MAN! =P) I can't say the same for myself because in this game called life and love, I'm still a greenhorn. Can say noob lah. A little bruised and patched, but still working fine, still kinda new-ish, and all the more ready to experience the world with my ever unceasing gusto and enthusiasm.

How stupid right, human beings? They still insist on trying out stuff even after getting hurt, not once nor twice, but even after countless times.

I guess as with everyone else, it’s the chase, risk and elation one gets from playing the game that keeps one coming back for more. Oh shyt, that means once I get it I will be bored?

O_O

That's something to ponder about… >.>

(wait, do you even know what I'm talking about here?)

But then again, life is always full of surprises, if we follow the rule of opposites attract, I'll probably get someone who doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve (unlike yours truly) and who has tons of surprises hidden.... up his sleeve -_-" (pun UNINTENDED, REALLY!!!!)

Probably someone quiet, observing, level headed, but passionate and who has a weird sense of humor to complement mine.

@_@

*grumbles* Why the hell must I bloody analyse every single thing *grumbles*

Lol, whatever, beggars can't be choosers LOL.

XD

---------

I really don't want to be too personal here, I feel like I'll be hanging out my underwear in public if I do that, so I think I shall stop with the super personal entry right here. Before I give away more of myself. @_@

I'm a happy and positive person right now (ENDORPHIN RUSH BABY!) and I will continue to embrace life, and keep on living like there's no tomorrow.

I'm dancing like no one's watching, living like there's no tomorrow, enjoying like enjoyment will cease to exist, but I can't say I'm working like I've never worked before.... Cos if you've never worked before how the hell do you know how working is?

Oh le sigh, 'tis all I can muster right now, it feels like I've just been back from a battle with the undead.

I'm tired. Yawn. I guess its off to bed for me now.

GYM TOMORROW! WHOOTS! BURN THAT F(ucking) A(nnoying) T(ubbiness) OFF!!

GO JAM GO! ~~~~~

Mama, I love youuuuu...

2007-02-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

So according to Rawdah the smelly science freak, caffeine helps in the maintenance of upper body strength, and therefore we should be having super powerful boobs.

HAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA

OH MY FLOWERING GARDENS, IS THAT FUNNY SHIET OR WHAT!!!

Sial lah, I can just imagine female coffee drinkers with powerful boobs. Hard hard ah?

*tries to poke dah's tits*

LOL!

Anyway, something else funny happened yesterday…

So I was doing some stuff on my com, then my mum came out of her room, and she stood behind me, trying to be kaypoh kaypoh sikit lah. This was our conversation:

Mama: Wah. You really love your friends ah? Those two cute girls there

(Points to my wallpaper; in which Sai and Nuwul were in. PS: Linsy smexay, I'm sure she will say "WAH SO SEXY AH THAT GIRL!" if you were in it too -_-)

Me: Errr yah.

Mama: Haiyah. I jealous lah. You put your friends face then never put mine! *hmph*

Me: o_O

Me: Haiyah... you dowan to take picture with me what! OK we take now I put ok? Then you don't cry hokay? *grins*

(When her back was turned, my face was -_-" + *rolls eyes*)

Mama: OK! Wait wait I make my hair nice first!!

Me: ... Dots. -.-"

Then I ushered her to a lighted area of the room.

*snap* snap*

And..........

TADAH!!!

Hehehe.

I love my mama can! I told smelly yz then he said…

"Your mama so kawaii"

-_-"

Jeez, dude, kawaii is one thing... You try living with her lah >.> See whether you still say she kawaii or not. -.-"

Haha. But yeah, she is cute lah sometimes.

NOW YOU KNOW WHERE I GET MY CUTE GENES FROM!

HAHAHHA JOKING!!!!!!!

I know sometimes I don't exactly put her in the best light, but heck lah which child doesn't love his/her mother?

I would give the world for her ok! Even if I have the bestest best husband + children in the world in the future, I'd put her over them. =X

(ok from now on I know people won't want to marry me anymore… LOL)

But that's because she simply is..

MY MOTHER.

The one who took care of me when I was sick, or hurt or feeling downtrodden; she is my confidante, my listening ear (ok, on selected issues only lah >.>). When I was unwell, she made me well; she sacrificed so much for me, cos I'm her child, HOW CAN I NOT LOVE HER LOR!

I love her more than all my family members combined; she is my love, my life, my everything.

Ok, maybe not everything, besides God lah.

She is superwoman's MOTHER!

Wheeeeeeeeee~

LOL.

Ok la, I know this post is pointless, but then again, everything about me is pointless so, yeah.

-_-"

Hee hee hee.

She's a computer idiot, and chances of her reading my blog is as slim as me being 50kg, but I still don't care, Mama I wanna say:

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^^

The other person

2007-02-22T18:07:00.000+08:00

Something interesting came in the mail today.

On closer inspection...

In case you can't see what it reads:

"TENGKU IKHWANNUDDIN TG IBRAHIM
[INSERT ADDRESS]"

Wow. We have a Tengku in our house and I didn't even know.... >.>

"The hardest part of staying on is letting go."

2007-02-21T12:53:00.000+08:00

Man, such cheesy lines should stay in hip-hop songs that wax melancholy and out of my life. How sardonic, me being a cynic and all.

Oh, le sigh.

I bet Linsy would be angrily slashing some random woman's tits in anger, judging by the rate of recovery I am showing. LELS.

----

On to less depressing stuff; smelly yz shared with me an interesting e-book that shows one on how to grow taller in 7 weeks, with an exercise regimen complemented with a diet plan consisting of height-friendly and Yes and Nos foods.

From now on, Jam, no more coffee and refined sugar.

):

And coffee is like, 30% of what I'm made up lah. No wonder I'm so short. Some compound in coffee (I suspect its caffeine- wait a minute, isn't it always *rolls eyes*) apparently inhibits Ca2+ uptake. Oh, something else worth taking notice: Insulin is a growth hormone inhibitor, therefore one on a grow-taller diet should avoid High Glycemic Index (GI) foods because a diet high in carbohydrates stimulates the pancreas to release more insulin to cope with the glucose surge in the body. Eh cheebay, interesting lah this book. I wanna do FYP on it leh. LOL. Hello, any facilitators reading my blog out there, is it possible that I change my FYP? CAN CAN?

*attempts to blinks eyes cutely*

LOL.

Hmm. Another interesting thing the book mentions is that one should increase the intensity of his/her exercise because it would affect the production of human growth hormone. FYI, this certain hormone, produced by the pituitary gland, is one of the most important hormones that affects growth in humans. People suffering from Gigantism have an overactive pituitary gland that cannot control/curb the secretion of this hormone, therefore they keep… growing. And growing. And growing, even when they're adults. Currently, the world's tallest woman is from China, and she stands at a whooping 2.33 meters.

NABEI.

That's 33 cm higher than the roof of my room lah! OMG!

-__-"

Anyway, back to topic (oh how I love to digress *sniggers*)

Other tips are: No eating 2 hours before bedtime, but consuming milk and Glutamine (an amino acid) is recommended. Forgot what the Glu is for @_@. The reason for the no eating is because we don't want a surge in insulin levels while you're sleeping BECAUSE (according to the book) during the first 2 hours of sleep, the pituitary gland is most active and therefore releases HGH during that 2 hours, and if you can remember, insulin is a HGH inhibitor.

Other goodies included in the book are an exercise and stretch routine. (which are actually Yoga stances, w/rdgs to the names- Cobra, Super Cobra etc) They also tell you how to sleep, which is on a firm bed with a small or no pillow, because pillows inhibit proper breathing by blocking the air way, and also because the head is not aligned with the spine column, thus affecting its structure.

The main areas of the body this book targets is the spinal column (all 33 bones) and the legs, therefore the exercises and stretches recommended within it target the abovementioned. There's also stuff about cartilage and the expansion and decompression of the areas between the joints and other anatomy stuff that I'm not too keen to summarize here.

And get this- SKIPPING (YES, !!!SKIPPING!!!) is actually recommended to help gain height!

OMG RIGHT? And to think I was a skeptic last time, I just thought skipping was for losing weight!

>.>

Anyway, the recommended diet regimen and exercise plan sounds and looks super tedious, and it kinda made me think twice about embarking on it. I would like to research more on the scientific aspects (uptake inhibitors and the like) and then try it out, planning my own diet. Shouldn't let my Food & Nutrition skillz go to waste, no? :)

Ok lets see. If I'm 170 cm now, and if I embark on this diet, then by around school time I'd gain about 2-3 inches, or, 5 cm.

Aiseh! If I diet right and slim down a lot, then I can be 175cm and slim sia!

@_@

But the problem with me is that I gain muscle mass more easily than burn off the fat. Bloody irritating man. Why is my body this way? I'm supposed to be a girl, not a guy.

Zzzz whatever lah.

Like I told smelly, I just wanna be healthy. I wanna go mountain climbing and not feel worn out after the first 50 metres up. -_-"

And since we're on the topic of diet and stuff, I was watching Tyra bank's show this afternoon, and it was mentioned somewhere that drinking green tea can make you burn the calories instead of putting them on. And I was like… wtf? o_O

If that really was true, then everyone would be drinking nothing but green tea sia. However stupid something sounds, I can't actually prove myself wrong or right unless I do research on that claim. So, google, you're gonna be my best friend again for the next few days or so. Eh, I wanna do FYP on this leh. Hello, any facis reading this? Please advice. Kthx.

Ok, I think I've injected quite an amount of science into this post, so in order not to make my readers (or the lack thereof) die from scientific fact overdose, I am going to change the topic to something non-science.

Example: My maple character is *FINALLY* going to reach the big 5-0.

Whoots!

Lafemmefatal's at Level 49 with 71% more to go before the next level up. Compared to playing that stupid Queenisis (ex-main, Lvl 44) of 2 yesteryears, this character sure levels up quickly and is WAY more fun to play compared to a stupid ice/lit mage whose speed of getting from point A to B is rivalled only by a colony of E. Coli flourishing in an agar plate.

… w/e.

And, yesterday, I made a new logo for my beloved *coughs and chokes* guild, BlackFlag (of Bootes).

Actually I was bored lah, so I decided to put my creativity to some use...

And... Tadah! This was what I came up with:

Excuse the lame tagline; by the time I was done, I was all out of ideas so I decided just to showcase the quintessence of BlackFlag's existence three times at the bottom.

Lol, yeah, we're just a bunch of laid back humans who seek fun and excitement ~~and love~~ in an online world where the worries of reality can't touch us. Or so I naively thought, until cyberworld's worries turned realistic, but JAM! PLEASE STOP HARPING OVER THAT STUPID MATTER YOU DUMB BITCH.

*slaps self*

):

Remind me never to... Ok, nvm.

-_-"

My my, this post is getting too long... And I'm getting tired already.

Until my next interesting update y'all, I leave you with an I-want-it-to-sound-random-but-in-reality-its-not-so-random quote and/or sentence and/or paragraph:

You have NO inkling NOR idea, WHATSOEVER, the shit and pain I went through ~~for~~ because of YOU. Yes, YOU. I know you feel it deep down in your heart but you're unsure. I won't tell who you are, may you suffer from being in the dark (on second thoughts, as if you even care, but w/e) for it's just a fraction of what I went through.

Please god, just let this be over and done with. I'm a strong girl. I know I am.

:D

PS: I WANT TO BE 175CM!!!!!!! I WANT I WANT I WANT!!!!!!!!! THEN I CAN BE TALLER THAN SAI SMELLY BACINS! Wheeeeeeeee hahahahahahaha (sai dun kick me I know you want to)

Where restricted means anyone can read it -_-"

2007-02-21T10:03:00.000+08:00

[pissed entry="on"] I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly do NOT want to start off this post with an expletive, so I'm going to euphemise it with a !@#(!*&@$*&$#(*&$@#&#%.

Damn you blogger! I set restriction on my blog so that people whom I deny access (or have not yet have access) to CANNOT READ MY ENTRIES, but what the hell greeted me yesterday night?

HUH?

Well, its not that I don't want Wiyda to read my entries or anything, its just that I got the shock of my life when she managed to tag my blog, and if I forgot to invite her, and she can tag MEANS ANYONE CAN VISIT MY BLOG!!

So, blogger, WHAT THE PHUCK!??!

Right now, all offensive entries and/or tags have been dutifully removed by the team of Sai and I (lol, it rhymes >.>) so that even if a random person comes across my blog and tries to enter, that person won't have a clue what I am was bitching about.

Ahhh heck, might as well make it public again. -_-"

Ok, from now on, Roti-Kaya-Jam will be public again.

-____________-"

[/pissed entry]

----------

Now I'm done with being pissed off, I shall... err... attempt to be un-pissed by err... writing something that isn't too pissworthy, for example... err... uhm... uhhhhhh...................

Ah, something lah!

What that thing is I don't know, but I'm feeling happier already.

LOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Oh oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES!!!

I remember now.

I checked my CE point status and guess what?

I'VE COMPLETED MY CE POINTS ALREADY!

IS THAT KEWL OR IS THAT KEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL?!?!?!

^^

-----

Ok, I shall stop stealing Emily's metaphorical and/or imaginary happy pills. Cannot overdose, lol.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

To thee, oh how have I staind my hands with my foolishness...

2007-02-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

I ushered in the new year with a stabbed heart, my hands stained with my own blood; through oh, I don't know, stupidity? Naiveté?

-----

Collection today was $66. My, my, what a number to usher the lunar new year in with. Not that I believe in any of these shit, but well, I find that it’s a sign, of some sort.

How I wish I could just not have a care about the goings on in my life.

Damn the bloody radio stations. Why do they keep playing songs with the theme "I love you" in it? Can't they feel my pain? Can't they hear my screams of agony?

... No. They can't.

No wonder.

---

However, I must say, I am goddamned proud of myself for attempting to handle this goddamned situation with rationality. I fought against my feelings with my brain, oh; it was a tough fight, believe me, you'd never ever want to try to do that because it hurts so much, and well, I guess you could say I'm recovering.

I always do. And you know I always will recover. No matter how, no matter what, I will persevere to the end to keep my sanity and my pride, despite being so broken deep down.

---

I spoke to many people about this matter, and I am glad that they are there for me during tough times like this. You all know who you are, I love you people more than I love chicken ok.

The irony of this whole thing is that, in order for two people to realise their happiness, I sacrificed my own happiness just for them. I stabbed myself in my own heart so they can live on its essence. The purity of love, between two people, and I can't help not letting them be together, since well, it won't work out for me anyway.

Oh, I don't know. I expected freedom, instead, I got sadness from my kindness.

I still believe Allah is fair though. This MUST be the retribution for my sins I've committed last time. Above all, I have faith in Allah for only He knows what's best for me.

I haven't lost much in this drama, I'm only scarred. But its ok. As long as they are happy, I don't feel all that bad... It still aches a little now, but, I am sure someone, someday will come along and heal it all back for me.

Someday.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

2007-02-15T10:36:00.000+08:00

I was so pissed about so many things yesterday, I typed a 2000-word ~~rant~~ essay detailing every single bit of unhappiness that I'm facing out on my trusty OneNote, with the cheesiest emo 1st para which ran along the lines of "Where art my happiness, its been absent for so long, BLAH BLAH BLAH" and I was emo-ing the WHOLE MORNING yesterday, and my full phone battery became low by afternoon, cos it was blasting out emo songs non-stop.

LOL.

Yesterday morning was teh shyt. Like, seriously. Its like, suddenly all my problems came crashing down on me; it was hard to cry at first, but then when I started typing them all out, the tears kept flowing and flowing...

However, God is fair; I had the sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetest dream yesterday night; after that spate of nightmares, I tell you, it was so unexpected and sudden... and it was just so DAMN HAPPY!

I mean, I was so darn happy in my dream.

I can't actually tell you about my dream, not because its R-rated or anything (its NOT ok!) but because I very paiseh to tell everyone.

*shy emoticon*

But anyway, that was TEH. BEST. DREAM. EVER. IN. MY. LIFE!!!!!!

If only it was real.... but then again, it can never happen, I can bet SGD$1000 safely, and you know I'm not a risk taker, therefore that dream was super unrealistic.

Oh well~~ At least I got my happiness, which was robbed from me when the modem flew to Singapore... >.>

Oh yeah, today the modem wasn't taken down... don't know why, and I don't really care because I realise that I don't need any of the following to make me a happy woman:

1) The modem
2) Flowers or whatever valentine shyt
3) Men's acceptance or approval to know my self worth
4) YOUR attention

I know that I can be happy by myself doing the things in life that I find pleasure in, like, taking a slow walk around my town, ~~ogling at cute guys in the lan shop~~ smiling at complete strangers, shopping, writing, singing, hanging out with my favourite people (!!!) and tons of other stuff.

Anyway, soon, I'll be off to meet my babies for a movie @ town, and I simply can't wait! Hehehe. Since none of us had valentine dates, today shall be our post-valentines outing with my post-valentine lalings (or so Sai calls them -_-)

YEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEYE ME SHOOO HAPPY WORS.

Anyway, its a pity linsy babats cannot make it for the movie, but we'll still see her for dinner, insyallah! =D

------

Anyway, here's a toast to all those singles out there who hate/are not keen on/abhor the very essence of/dislike/have a problem with Valentine's Day:

LAWL.

Happy Anti-Valentine's Day!

XD

Itchyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

2007-02-10T15:38:00.000+08:00

Actually, I wouldn't mind one; in fact I want one, but the thing is, I'm scared. I'm still naïve.

----------

Anyway, I know yesterday's list of things made me sound like I'm very hao lian (arrogant) but I swear its just to psycho myself into thinking that I'm not such a failure in life. I must be positive and be happy with what I have (or lack, -_-") so that depressionnnnnnnnnn will not get to my cute lil head.

LOL.

---------

You know, one of my favourite activities when I'm feeling emo is to listen to depressive songs (ala Evanescence) and super-jiwang malay/chinese/japanese songs, and compile a list of lines from the lyrics.

Depending on what I'm emo-ing about (which is usually about the heart, -_-") I would only listen to songs which would elicit the specific emo response. Oh shyt, now I sound like I'm describing some hormone and its receptor. Dammit, science has taken over my vocabulary!
(PS: Dear Rawdah nipplehead, please don't follow in my footsteps, thank you XD)

And yes, its in line with one of my favourite hobbies- quoting song lines because IMHO, nothing says it better than the song. They always seem to have the perfect line I'm looking for. Ironically though, I have *yet* to find THE perfect song. Hmm, is that a sign that I should compose one myself? Then I'll learn how to play the guitar, buy a videocam, serenade it, and post it on you-tube to show people how emo/heartzxbrokenzxz I am.

Then I'll create a myspace account and post up peektures of my slitzxzx writzxzxzx with the video of myself entertaining in the background.

Confirm laughing stock of the online community one.

Oopszx, I meant, "conform".

...lol.

-----------

Actually, I have A LOT of things to say. I am an individual who has no qualms expressing her opinions, although sometimes those opinions may not reflect so well on herself after saying it, but meh, the truth always hurts.

*shrugs*

Butttttttttttt. This time I just can't. I really hate to say this, but… some things are better left unsaid.

-____-"

Maybe I should go find that particular cypress tree in that folk tale about the king with big ears and tell my secrets to it.

(It goes smth like this: There was this king with a secret- he had very huge ears, and he needed a hair cut, thus he called for a barber, but he couldn't keep the king's secret, so much so he went to a tree to whisper into the ground, but in the end the king's secret eventually got exposed because the tree which the secret was told had a part taken off to be made into a flute, which when played, repeated the same line that the barber said, therefore the whole village knew that the king had big ears)

Ok, whatever.

------

Anyway, I've been having a really bad spate of rashes these few days; they keep appearing for no reason on my hands, calves and face.

T_T

And its very itchy and uncomfortable.

I am in agony!!! HELP MEE!!!!!!!!

T_T

DAMN YOU STUPID IgG!!!!!!!!!!!! (or was it IgE?....... w/e. Type I hypersensitivity, that's all I know)

w/e

2007-02-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how the tiniest of things can cause big changes; chemical messengers called hormones- so tiny yet so powerfully capable of eliciting different responses in an organism as huge as a human being.

These very hormones can be the cause of overproduction of sebum, and are THE cause of erratic mood swings, especially for girls during That Time of The Month. (T3M)

That explains the emo blog posts + pimples + oily face. Bleh.

School ~~has ended for me already~~ will end next week; and Monday will the last day that everyone can see their classmates, which I'm totally unconcerned about, since well, I'm not exactly happy with some of my classmates. =/

Lol, whatever. Then, there's the Weblog BBQ on Tuesday, whose attendance is still being contemplated on by me, cos of yada-yadas. I'll solve that problem later lah. Right now I have alot of things on my mind.

It was kinda surprising yesterday night when a friend of mine approached me for advice regarding relationships, I can't profess to be adept in that particular area (basically due to the lack of experience in it) but rationality and common sense proved to be the saviour of the night/morning.

I guess as with maths or science, relationships problems should ba tackled in a way similar to how one attempts to solve an IQ puzzle.

You just need your common sense + courage + fairness.

Oh! Now I know why tech geeks endear towards the idea of having the language of love written in something as straightforward and precise as HTML, or even Java, because it saves a hell load of time and confusion, not to mention minimising the damage this thing called a heartbreak can cause.

But, meh, even after having said all of this, I still stubbornly feel that expression of love is just fine the way it is. I mean, its more romantic to show your love for someone by presenting a gift (of roses, perhaps?) rather than "[love expression="on"] I love you, period [/love expression]", right?

ok, meh. w/e.

And why the hell am I even rambling on about love when love is gone?

I'm a cynic; a skeptic, but sometimes I just can't help falling into the trap. Of whatever lah. I can't be bothered to think anymore- just spare me the shit associated with it.BLAH BLAH BLAH YADA YADA YADA LA LA LA CRAP CRAP CRAP LALALALALALALA~~~~~~~~

----------------

Ok to tell you the truth, I just woke up about 30 minutes ago, I feel hot and feverish after the afternoon nap, and my brain seems to be functioning at 3rd gear only. And I feel so wretched about yesterday night (yes I am affected by it) and I don't know what to think or say or do. Can you help me out here? You know who you are. Can you tell me if you want to talk to me or, you don't want to acknowledge my presence or you hate the sight of me, or whatever whatever? Its very awkward you know. I feel so fucked up, and I don't know why. =/

Like you said, you don't want people hating you, I don't want that too, so on my part, I apologise first ok? I hereby declare publicly that I am sorry for [insert whatever thing I did].

It was a joke gone wrong; we should be having fun, not letting things escalate into this. And yes, I admit I'm neurotic at times, and I'm weird this way ok? Can we like, shake hands or something and resume friendship? Iheartsyoukthxbye.

(I don't like misunderstanding/fights/arguments/tension with friends, it affects me very badly)

--------

Besides that, some other stuff is affecting me bad. I can just feel the shadow of depression creeping up on me, its trying to envelope me in its hug of death again, and for God's sake, I don't want that to happen again.

Oh, that's right I must feel happy.

I must be happy. I must force myself to feel happy. Feign happiness, induce endorphins to appear, whatever it takes; I HAVE TO FEEL HAPPY!

I must believe that I am happy with myself, with my life, with my family, with my school, with my heart, with my laptop, with my microphone; I MUST THINK POSITIVE!!!!!!

...

And I probably sound psychotic lah, I know. Don't mind me, lol.

Ok, let's compile a list of things that I am currently satisfied with:

1. My self-effacing blog.
2. I take pride in the way I write.
3. I am smart. I know I am. (At least let me think I am even though I'm not)
4. I have 2 sets of Tobis and Kumbis. Wheee~
5. ~~I hope Maple has a super long, 8 hour patch on Valentine's day~~ Umm, I mean. Err. I am not affected by valentine's day. Really! *meditates*
6. I have more than 2 million mesos, an amount I never thought I could have 2 years ago.
7. I am making effort to live a healthy lifestyle.
8. I have an organiser ...meh.
9. I have a green spiral notebook to chronicle the aspects of my life that I can't say out on my blog for fear of [insert 1001 things that can cause fear due to exposed thoughts]
10.I am no longer in love with you because I know that (1) It can never work out, (2) You're not worth it, (3) There are many fish in the sea and (4) The hold you have over me is finally gone (this time for real!)
11. Friendster is a good place to ogle at cute guys (better than nothing >.>)
12. I actually look nice in *certain* pictures.
13. I don't have to endure stupid classmates anymore (WHOOPEE!)
14. My laptop is still functioning well
15. I have food at home (!) and I can control the type of food that gets cooked
16. I have a skipping rope (!)
17. I have a kewl badminton racket (!)
18. The filtered energy water in my house taste superb (!)
19. I am going to find a job (!!)
20. I am not so lazy anymore (!!!)
21. I believe I have lost some weight (!!!!)
22. I believe that I am going to find the perfect pair of shoes so that I can have fun walking in them (my current pair of sandals are the ONLY pair of footwear that allows me freedom to walk wherever and whenever, thus and I can walk for hours and THEREFORE lose more weight)
23. I have gained a point of immunity against the evils of love
24. I haven't seen a cockroach in 2 months (that's a good sign isn't it?)
25. I heart coffee, and my house has ALOT OF IT.
26. I love my friends, and they love me too (I think...? Pls tell me if you don't. kbye.)
27. Holidays are here, so make the best out of it!
28. I have lost a point of naievete, LOL.
29. My friendster is happening xD
30. I AM JUST HAPPY LAH! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

hurhur.

endorphins, I still need you. I phail with psychological tactics; and if you don't appear, I swear I'll break into a pharmacy and greedily take all the prozac i can get my hands on.

Really.

Hi. Kthxbai.

2007-02-08T15:24:00.000+08:00

Hidden somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of my C drive, (to be more specific, my Documents) is a list of "10 things you want to say to 10 people you can't name" written by me a few days ago.
I wanted to start with the cliched "Hi, I ____ you, kthxbai", but changed my mind after completing sentence #10, and instead replaced it with "Hi, I ____ about you"

I don't think it's appropriate to list out sentences #2 to 10 because most of it is filled with hate, jealousy, anger, depressive thoughts and well, bitchiness.

But then again, that's just Jam.

You know, disgruntled, depressed, desolate and on the verge of being psychotic.

There's just so much pent up anger and disappointment in me; so much that I've been putting on a happy face for the past few days to sort of, self-medicate- to lessen the impact of how potentially disastrous the outcome will be when I *finally* decide to let it go.

I thought I was through with you/it, but it seems something is holding me back. I'll take it as you're too intoxicating for my threshold, despite your apparent faults (which I surprisingly can close one eye over o_O)

Oh how I would love to quote blog entries that wax despair with regards to this thing called love and all its associated shit, but alas, I cannot because what I will quote will give away the game.

And that is the last thing I want to see being exposed. =x

But, meh, I can't resist quoting stuff because ~~I'm too stupid to come up with my own~~ I'm too lazy to think up of my own original ones, so here you go:

"It's a crime you let it happen to me,
Nevermind, forget it, just memories
All the pain inside a spiral notebook"

And tell me honestly- how many of you actually know what I'm rambling on about here? I'll bet my mesos that none of you can understand this.

Which is good, because ~~despite desperately wanting you to know~~ I don't actually WANT the secret to be exposed; especially not after... so long.

The main purpose(s) are:

#1- Not to embarass myself
#2- Not get heartbroken
#3- To know and recognise the fine line between reality and make believe.

But honey, you know what?

You make it difficult for me to distinguish between those two.

And frankly, I don't wanna give a damn.

I just want things to go back to normal, with or without you.

Oh, btw, here's a picture. Decipher what it means. :)

PS: Its got NOTHING to do with ''sunshine in ones eyes'' -.-"

PPS: That's a tulip. =X

La-la-lahs.

2007-02-05T17:23:00.000+08:00

I admit, sometimes I do think of you; and I know that potentially exposes my fragile heart to emotional instability, but thank god the hurt and shock you caused upon me is gone- the pain of 2005 is no more; the memories of you and your deception is just as vague as the walls of a building that withstood the centuries of weathering and age.

2 weeks to a month, and within that period of time you caused me much happiness and ironically, misery. You remain a part of my memory that I don't want to see ever again.

Like the metaphorical burying of the hatchet, I just wish that I could bury you and your fucked up face, memory and *just* everything you away. I am filled with the insatiable desire to dig the deepest hole that is (preferably) 2 inches from the core of the earth and just dump everything of you inside, before proceeding to cover it back up with all the rage and disappointment that I can muster.

I hate you, M.e.l.v.i.n.

Grr.
--------------

Why are guys such jerks sometimes? Why are people so judgmental and insensitive? Why are girls such bimbos sometimes? Why is the sky blue?

--------------

Jeez, I think I've practically experienced one of the largest loads of assholes that can ever come by anyone's way.

But of course, I always think its because of myself. I keep blaming myself, and how I can't live up to people's expectations. I'm just not good enough, for my family, for my friends, for everyone.

Until when? I want to put the blame of the rest too leh! You know how fucked up it makes me feel everytime I feel that I don't live up to other's expectations? I don't fit in, never did. I'm like the odd piece of a puzzle that was lost from factory A which landed in Factory B, deserted, alone, and unable to fit in with any of the other pieces there.

It sucks you know? I never really did fit in with the kids in Pri and sec sch.

Primary school was fucked up.
Ditto for secondary school.

Poly's a much better experience, but the institution itself fucks me up as much as Primary and secondary combined, but THANK ALLAH for the few precious gems I've managed to acquire in this hellish path called life.

My babies, you know who you are, and I wish to thank you bunch of darlings with everything I have, because without you in my life, I'd be long dead, brain and blood splattered over the pavement of some obscure Malaysian road with a 'Tun' beside the word 'Jalan'. Or something.

Ugh, ok, that was supposed to be a little sarcastic, but, nvm. My sarcasm never was any good in the first place.

*Master (mistress?) Sai, please confer upon thy humble student, with thine fine art of sarcasm, the way to be effectively sarcastic without being weird. Lolkthxiheartsu.

Anyway, let's have a little update on my life.

Hmm… lets see. What's new/changed/different that I absolutely have to tell everyone?

Ahh… perhaps this bit of information, hee hee.

I AM FREE FROM THE INEXPLICABLE HOLD THAT YOU HAD OVER ME FOR THE PAST WEEK.

I fell in, then saw that the supposedly green grass was actually a sewer (ooh, im so harsh), thus I decided to crawl back out…

And here I am!

Fresh and free and new and my own self!

Wheeee~

[sarcasm ="on"] I am uber happy, haven't you noticed? [/sarcasm]

But then again, love is always incomprehensible; its capable of ridding a perfectly normal person of common sense and rationality, so, you can't really put the blame on me.

And, I learnt something from this show called "The sweetest thing"... The most memorable quote that sticks with me is:

"Honey, you shouldn't be looking for a Mr. Right, instead, you should be looking for a Mr. Right Now. And who knows Mr. Right Now will somehow turn into that Mr. Right?"

Hmm, makes sense don't you think? I believe that that should be every girl's motto from now on, it makes things less complicated and the hurt would be practically nil.

So I guess that sums up my post for today, I'm off to some skipping!

(Lol, ya, linsy, *finally* found a shop which sold skipping ropes o.o)

Dream in a dream, my dream was.

2007-02-01T12:11:00.000+08:00

Quite a lot has happened these few days; mentally and emotionally I mean, but physically... not much. Except for the fact that I sustained a minor injury to my right hand due to RSI.

Yes, again, just like the last time.

Contemplating this... situation of mine has been a priority every waking moment of my life ever since ~~my heart got stolen by someone~~ that day.

I can't help it because yes, I'm still addicted to 'Far away' by Nickleback, and ~~him~~ besides mulling over the pros and cons of this situation, my ears kinda got surgically attached to my earphones. Even when I'm asleep.

=X

So I shall not blog about the misery my heart is going through thinking about you-know-what (it's a very complicated situation, trust me) so I shall talk about something else.

Ok, lets see...

Oh yes, yesterday (today morning?) I dreamt about someone.

Or more specifically, someone from MY CLASS. One of it anyway. The class which I only attend once a week, because its in a different location from my usual one (W36H)

Saying it was weird and random would be The Major Understatement of the year.

It was like, a dream in a dream; you know, one of those dreams where you can dream in it?

I'll give you 5 seconds to try to digest that down.

Ok, in the dream^2 (dream squared, since it's a dream in a dream o.O) this guy, whom we shall herein refer to as 'X' was acting very weirdly.

The scene was some blurry, dark place, bluish tinted (yes, I can see color in my dreams sometimes) and there was a railing (normal railings like those on road dividers) and I was walking along the railing, there were dark, gloomy trees around.... then he appeared, and.......

HE KISSED MY HAND.

o_O

Then after that disturbing-yet-thrilling encounter, I blushed (!) and then I supposedly "woke up" and asked my mother what it was, and she said "He wants to marry you"*

And I was......... LIKE WHAT THE FCUK?

~~But still feeling touched, though.~~

Then, I woke up. For real.

And it was 5.27 am. HAHA.

Eh, damn cheebay lah the dream!

Why out of the blue I dream about this guy so lomantically *coughs* when I'm still trying to rack my brains for his name (YAH, I DUNNO HIS NAME, THAT'S THE BEST PART) and the most number of words I've ever spoken to him is practically negative 1?

Very disturbing, hor?

But I find him a bit cute... in the chubby kind of way.

=X

And it feels weird where I'm sitting right now, he's like, in my line of vision, and the *other* weird thing is that he keeps glancing in my way.

*horrified look*

I mean, he could be looking at someone else (since his FYP team member is in my team) but, YOU KNOW?

Its very uncomfortable.

As if he *somehow* knows.

SIAL LAH, CHEEBAY LAH!

Why do I ALWAYS experience weird shiet?

And and and.... what the fuck was that shiet about "He wants to marry you?"

HORRIFYING!!!!!

*spasm emoticon*

Never mind, one more week only.

One more week then its time to find a job, and earn money and play maple endlessly.

LOL.

*Regarding the "marrying" part, in my dream, I actually concurred with my mother because SOMEHOW, the kiss on the hand sort of symbolised him wanting to convert to Islam (Muslims greet elders with a kiss on the hand, but, meh.) and that shows his so-called devotion to me. Or something. SIBEH CREEPY LAR, but YOU KNOW, dreams NEVER MAKE SENSE, so........ yeah. Dot dot dot.

And the weirdest of all weird things is that I dreamt of him on the DAY he's in my class.

-----------

Alright, I'm going to close this chapter of my life now, because from what I can see, its not going anywhere, questions are still unanswered, and I don't wanna think much about this whole subconcious thing, so, it's better if I stop thinking about it.

Cheebay!

2007-01-30T13:23:00.000+08:00

(click)

Heheh. Sorry hun. I didn't tell anyone because its stupid, and foolish and dumb and lame.
Not worth knowing, I'm SURE it'll go away.

Soon.

I guess.

Hmm.

I guess it's somewhere between love and infatuation because pheromones aren't actually involved, IF you catch my drift.

If you don't, then... never mind me.

If you don't know what is cheebay... let me redirect you to THIS HILARIOUS POST.

And...

what if I told you I loved you?

What would YOU do?

:)

PS: Someone said attraction is caused most probably by pheromones. What about those who fall in love online? :)

I love you; Northern and Southern blots

2007-01-30T09:01:00.000+08:00

I think its rather obvious, that small little colum on the right, blue hued, containing words scrolling from bottom to top.

On closer inspection, it's the lyrics to Nickleback's song, 'Far away'.

Besides making me feel all weird and melancholic and happy and wretched and hopeful, that song's making me distracted in class, and I can't concentrate.

Earphone's in one ear and I'm sacrificing myself to !emotional suicide! by listening to it repeat on and on and on endlessly, when I know I should be paying attention to Ms Hon.

I'm sorry, I just can't help it, certain songs just have this !unexplainable hold! over me that I can't resist. It makes me listen to it over and over and over again, and I will never feel satisfied until well, I move out of the emotions that the song encourages. I'm a slave to the song.

I'm really at a loss for words here, fuck Nickleback for making such a wonderful song cos I'm as addicted to it like a druggie is addicted to pot.

Pfft.

Western, northern, southern blot in left ear; I love you, I have loved you all along, And I miss you in the other ear.

LOL.

Kinda stupid right.

Wtf.

Let's make a love song with western blots and I love yous.

Dam you jam.

-.-"

Allow me to dream for a while, LOL

2007-01-29T09:57:00.000+08:00

POST TAKEN DOWN.

Sorry, but FUCK, I almost vomited when I re-read it again.

LOL.

I really don't know what came over me, LMAO.

like thosai like life

2007-01-28T12:25:00.000+08:00

I was chewing the air-moistened Paper thosai I had for breakfast, it was coarse and when eaten mixed with the coconut chutney, 'twas a rough and salty experience, but, with the occasional tinge of sweetness from god knows what. Probably my amylase breaking down the starch, I guess, and I realised; I realised while watching the animated Mr Bean show, that my life was like that piece of thosai I was chewing, myself trying to get over the rough times, marred with continual periods of saltiness- something I hate because I don't fancy salt too much, but there's this little tinge of sweetness to remind me that time; time is there to digest the pain and the discomfort, time is there to heal the shit- and things go smooth again, down my esophagus, down the path every human travels- this path called Life; the way called future.

Sure, the roughness tickles my palate; to the point of irritation ever so occasionally, but its from this irritation that I learn patience. After all, I was the one who made the decision to eat thosai for breakfast; just as I was the same one who makes the decisions for myself because, hey, its my life.

It is I who choose to feel what I feel, it is I who can control myself, my emotions, my actions, and no one else.

Well, perhaps except God, that is.

People ask how can one control one's emotions?

I asked around, and with my own personal experience, it all boils down to your mind.

I guess if control is out of the question, then immunize yourself.

Immunization is to make yourself resistant- resistant to anything- to emotions, viruses- anything.

But, pray do tell, how?

Simple- just keep throwing shit down your way, and soon enough, you will learn to deal with it. It won't be so painful the next time you encounter it again, for, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Humans learn best through self-experience, keep pummeling yourself numb till you can't feel the pain anymore.

Only then will you realise the sorrow is gone.

And, fuck YOU again.

2007-01-26T18:39:00.000+08:00

Dear used-to-be-non-existent part of myself called life,

This letter was written in response to the turmoil and angst you have subjected me to over the course of 12 hours (read: 6 am to 6pm, and possibly onwards as well)

I must say, you've done a good job at taking me by surprise; that 360 degree twist so cold, so calculated, not even Einstein could've seen it coming.

A wham! You hit me.

Another wham! You hit me again.

And another!

And another!

Now that you've got me weakened, you would like to try your other nasty tricks as well, why is it that you are doing this to me?

Is throwing assholes at my face early in the morning not satisfactory enough on your lets-bash-jam-today agenda?

Is making a motherfucker try to fuck his fucking way through the fucking bus in the morning without a fuck's care to others enough?

You pummeled my heart into pieces, you made me feel unnecessary emotions; this baggage of wretched thoughts just can't seem to leave the confines of my doubts.

You made needy, for something that's totally not worth it, you played with my soul, my emotions, then you threw a shit load of other crap on top of that as well.

Why, I ask you.

WHY?

WHY ME?

I HATE that L word.

For I don't believe I am. I do have people to be by my side...

But apparently, you take pride in making myself feel so low ever so often, when the opportunity arrives. You shatter my dreams into a thousand pieces, you wreck my hopes of things ever going smoothly by injecting stupidity into the brains of fellow human beings, you make me feel small, weak, alone, useless.

You make me remember who I actually am again, when I have fought a long battle to try to forget that very aspect.

Thanks a million, Life. You sure made things different for me.

And I want to say these to so many people:

FUCK YOU,

and

FUCK YOU

and

FUCK THE BUNCH OF YOU

and

YOU FUCKER,

and

YOU WHORING BITCH

and

I DON'T LOVE YOU ASSHOLE, SO WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY?

and

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk everyyyyythingggggggggggggggggggggggggggGGG

Yours in all of fucked damnation,

JAMILAH LIM

fuck you.

2007-01-26T09:08:00.000+08:00

bunch of fucking retarded motherfuckers, especially you, you big lump of fatty acid chains

What the fuck did I ever do you you bunch of asswipes?

fuckers, burn in hell with your narrowminded, filthy brains.

you piss me off like no other people have.

fuck fuck fuck fuck you.

noobs.

and if you can read this or know about who i'm talking about and you feel that you're one of them, then fuck the fucking fuck off the face of this fucking world.

you motherfucking retarded low quality asswipe.

:D

you 4r3 so pwned. you don't know me, asswipe, don't mess with me or i'll fuck up your life slowly, like a burning wick.

I had immunology today. I also had a blank RJ in which I could write whatever I wanted.

2007-01-25T21:22:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking about something my baby cousin (and the most beloved) told me some time ago- she was relating to me the time in secondary school where her clique of girls (who were sort of 'enemies' with another clique) had worn yummy yellow rimmed spectacles to school, as a way of identifying themselves as unique (and sort of random too, if you think about it carefully), and the aforementioned 'enemy group' had tried to emulate their style a few days later.

Not only did she and her friends find it hilarious that that group tried to follow in their footsteps, (cos they couldn't exactly pull it off, LMFAO) they were downright disgusted at the horrendous attempt by the loser group to 'try to be as cool' as them, because they look horribly stupid- like a bunch of bimbotic quacks.

I mean, my cousin ain't a bitch, (wth, she's an angel man) but the thing is, people find it highly annoying that other people like to be copycats, imitating their style, dressing, and other assorted whatnots.

I know a few of my friends who've complained about having poor quality imitations of themselves in school, class, blogosphere et al- and everytime they go all "#!@(*&#!@#%" on me, I will chuckle to myself cos its so funny to see someone getting excited over something as trivial as a mere imitation.

But then I sit down and think, what with new information, and well, I can somewhat understand their feelings. They say imitation is the ultimate form of flattery, but being the petty humans we all are, everyone yearns for some form of unique identification, ~~(besides the I/C, driver's license and ez-link card)~~ which they pretty much show off in the form of speech, dressing, behaviour, etc.

And yeah, I can understand how annoying it is when someone wants to copy your style and/or dressing because it makes you feel so… violated.

Its like, WTF, go get your own bloody style lah! Copy people for what? So if any of you are copying trends/styles/words/blog posts (lol) from other people, PLEASE KINDLY GET A LIFE AND SOME COOL FACTOR.

COPYING = NOT COOL.

Be original.

;)

ROFLMAO.

Anyway, I had a very interesting day today; my immunology team mates and I had a bonding session- via (of all things) a proposed visit to the RP's blood donation centre.

It was like, Rhaudah wanted to donate blood, then Yani went "Eh, you also? Ok I want also!" (btw yani is like, SUPER CUTE LAH!) and Maria overheard their conversation or something, and got roped in. Then Rafidah was all ready to go also, but I was apprehensive at first because I was well…. ~~too chicken~~ evaluating the possible problems that I might run into while attempting to donate blood, but after much persuasion and encouragement from the girls, I was all ready to give.

That is, until I reached the donation centre lah.

I got all nervous and scared ~~and almost pissed my pants~~ because I'm afraid of needles and blood.

Which is an irony, considering the fact that… ok nvm. You don’t need to know this.

*clears throat*

ANYWAY, remember that time I got sick? Yeah, well, I still have a teeny-weeny bit of cough left, and quite some phlegm too, so I told the Doctor there, but unfortunately, as fate would have it, I wasn't allowed to donate blood.

The reason was because I haven't fully recovered from that bout of infection yet, and it took longer than usual because I didn't get antibiotics for it (I didn't visit the doctor) and phlegm in the body is a sign that the body is *still* recovering, and there is a chance the virus is still somewhere around, playing hide and seek with my lymphocytes and T-cells.

Erm, ok, nvm.

Anyway, here are some peek-tures!

~ This cute little handwritten sign greeted us at the doors that opened to the donation centre.

~Walk in, and you'll see this cute pseudo-receptionist at the makeshift counter, where you register your name and student e-mail. Special thanks to this girl, who posed for this picture! If anyone recognises her, do tell me I said thanks! ^_^

~So after registering yourselves, you walk to the area behind the reception counter and proceed to fill in your form, which they inserted into a black file. You gotta return the file back to them after you're done with it, and proceed to the other waiting segment below.

~This is where you wait with your forms (the ones we're holding).
From left to right: Maria, Yani, Rhaudah, Rafidah, Me! ^^ (I know Sai hates the mountains LOL)

A clearer picture of the waiting area below:

~Yups. The queue was THAT LONG. Not only did we have to wait THERE, to ELECTRONICALLY REGISTER, but we had to wait to see the doctor (for the medical assessment) and if you made it through, the OTHER waiting area before getting your blood transfused out.

~This is the electronic registration counter, where you hand in your filled out forms to the two friendly ladies and they will double check the details against your personal identification, e.g. I/C, student card or Ez-Link.

~And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the doctor's cubicle. The one (and perhaps ONLY) doctor has to mass screen hundreds of blood donors everyday, so one can't complain if she takes quite a long time to screen each potential donor. The routine is simple- blood pressure check (which takes less than a minute) and running through the checklist. As for mine, I didn't get to donate blood cos.... hey, I already mentioned why earlier in my post. Meh.

~ This is where you go after you get approval from the doctor. And see those chairs? YES, WAITING AGAIN. Anyway, here your blood count will be checked using a simple reagent test, and if you pass that test, off you go into (yet another) holding area, where you wait for your turn to donate...

~ TADAH! This is the partitioned area for blood donors to rest as they provide the opportunity for others to have a second chance at life.

So, what have you learnt today?

Donate blood. Besides the incredibly irritable waiting time, your effort spent waiting will be rewarded by the pleasure you receive knowing that YOUR BLOOD might have just saved someone's life. I mean, of course God saves people's lives, but, your kind act is god's test to see if you would be willing to spend some time (and blood) for a stranger.

So, what are you waiting for? Donate blood today!

[/end commercial, lol]

---------------

LOL, What the flowers.

SINCE WHEN was Jamsy so benevolent and innocent?

WAHHAHAHAHAHAH

But, no, seriously. Donate blood if you can. Save lives, get pahala.

Lol.

The power of a comma. Period.

2007-01-23T08:38:00.000+08:00

(Click to see a larger version)

Making a mockery of love

2007-01-21T14:44:00.000+08:00

I guess the only feasible explanation for my disinterest in normally interesting things (like, boys) and the onset of stucktolaptoposis symptoms is that there is definitely something in my machine that's so powerful, its power is akin to the power an oasis holds over the weary and thirsty traveler.

Irresistable, if I may.

And yes, the reason starts with an M, but, sorry, but I don't have a prize to give out if you guessed the world was "Maple".

I was conversing with a female guild member (one of the closer ones) the day before, and the essence of our conversation revolved around boys, life, and maple ( Not surprisingly -.-)

(Side note: I WANT WENTWORTH MILLER BABY!!!! No, wait. actually I want Michael Scofield. xD)

She's one of the more 'normal' people you can meet on Maplesea- she doesn't tyypee liiikee thiiiss w0rrs, neither does she go kor kor this, jie jie that, OR chiong lifelessly for 20 hours straight.

And yes, she's not chinese. LOL.

Just yesterday I met a lesbian mapler, but let's not focus on that aspect for now. o_O

*slaps face*

"Do you know the reason behind me mapling again?" I asked, amicably.

No, she said. Like, duh. Of course. So I told her.

Can't tell you what I said, but let's leave it at "Jam is bored so she started mapling again", shall we? ~~But of course, there's a reason deeper than that =X~~

(Yes, ironic as it sounds, I have no qualms telling a complete stranger about my worries, woes and other secrets, but am terrified to even put it on my blog)

And we chatted and chatted, we basically came to a conclusion that maplestory was an outlet for individuals with problems in life, problems which they'd rather not face, but to mask with an online mass of moving pixels, wishfully thinking that it'd go away as the time is whiled away killing non-existent monsters and gaining levels.

Well, one can say it IS therapeutic to some extent; MapleStory offers us the outlet to express our true selves with no strings attached- we are free to do as we please, things that we cannot normally do in real life, not to mention make tons of new friends (or rather, online personas for now)

Example?

Having this thing called maple bf/gf.

No, the fun is not in having one, it’s the unrestricted freedom of being able to have as many as you want, when you want, and with no attachments whatsoever.

Humans LOVE freedom.

Well, or so it should be, until someone as emotionally retentive as I comes along.

Everyday I wonder in amazement how those people sitting behind their computer screens can look for their online significant others with something as unromantic as

"Looking for GF, must be Lv 30 and above @@@@@@@"*

Or,

"Looking for BF, must be handsome wor kekes @@@@@@@@@@@@"

*the '@@' is there for a reason, especially if in a throng of people you want your chat message to stick out

The first time I heard about Maple Bf/gfs and that your characters can actually 'marry', my facial expression was as effed as a constipated monkey.

"Like, meh?"

I find it abhorrent that complete strangers come up to your character- strangers you know virtually NOTHING about- and requests trade, then typing in the chat box: "Can you be my gf?"

...

I try not to get too worked up at imbeciles like this, because well, it IS just a game, and I shouldn't take anything in it seriously...

But you see, I, Jamsy, am incapable of that, I take things too seriously, sometimes too much for my own good and those who know me well knows that I don't take words lightly.

If you say it, you had BETTER mean it.

I guess that's why I still cannot accept the "its just a game" excuse and let any Tom, Dick or Harry be my assassin's significant other (*rolls eyes*)

But hor, I find this a challenge- to be able to say yes to every male character who asks my assassin to be the so-called girlfriend and cheat on every single one of them until I get the hang of it.

^_^

*JAMSY CAN THREE TIME WORS! KEKES!* ^^

Hmm, seems maple has achieved another one of its 'internal challenges'- and I guess this would be good practice to keep my emotions in check.

After all, my sin's name IS Lafemmefatal (actually there should be an 'e' but there's no space…) and therefore I should start trying to 'act my name'.

I guess, and suspect, that everyone who does it are seriously trying to practice keeping their emotions in check too.

Letting all the mushy nothings go in one ear and out the other... letting those words become meaningless, letting it lose its sacredness.......

Wow, what a wonderful life maplers have. Triple boy/girl friends with no attachements whatsoever, HOW DO THEY DO IT?

--------

Now, the only thing is, I hope they don't forget that they can't do that in real life.

o_O

Me and the brother

2007-01-21T00:11:00.000+08:00

While I was trying to run Maple Story in windowed mode with my newly downloaded 'tools':

"Aiyoh kak you hacker."

"Eh, I wanna learn how to hax lah."

"Ahuh." o_O

"But cannot lah, my brain not big enough. :( "

" … "

" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "

" … "

He's so cute lah!!!!!!!!

xD

Idealism is a fantasy, not reality =D

2007-01-20T15:34:00.000+08:00

I found this quiz on friendster. Let's see.

1. My guy/girl's hair style should be

[ ]long
[ ]curly
[x]clean cut
[]spike

2.The color of his/her hair should be

[x]black
[ ]brown
[ ]pink
[ ]red
[ ]multi-colored

3.He/She should be a

[ ]performer
[x]gamer (so I can challenge him muahaha)
[ ]not quite, can't do anything about
it.
[ ]leader
[ ]athlete
[ ]musician
[x]honor student (HELP ME WITH WORK!)
[X]prince/princess (note, the big X. *swoons dreamily*)

4. He/She should be

[ ]tall
[x]6 footer (Cos I'm 5"7 o_O)
[ ]small
[x]just not shorter than me

5. He/she should be

[x]romantic
[ ]bad boy/girl
[x]simple
[x]nerd
[ ]shy
[ x]smart (but not smarter than me! ... just joking.)

6. His/her skin should be

[ ]dark as an african
[ ]mestizo/mestiza
[ ]moreno
[ ]anak araw
[ ]tan
[x]fair
[ ]i dun fcuking care bout his colour.

7. He/she should be good in

[ ]sports
[x]math (cos I'm not good in it)
[x]science (GEEK BABBLE!)
[ ]art
[x]music (So I can learn notes)
[ ]cooking
[ ]fortune telling
[ ]surprises (I don't know about this......)

8. My ideal guy/girl 's eyes should be

[ ]big as an owl
[ ]chinito/chinita
[ ]round eyes
[ ]none of the above
[x]natural (just not... odd. o_O)

9. the color of his/her eyes should be

[ ]blue
[x]green (I LOVE GREEN EYES)
[ ]brown
[ ]red
[ ]pink
[ ]gray
[ ]black
[x]natural

10. He/she should be

[ ]an atenista
[ ]a lasalita
[x]a U student
[ ]Ust
[ ]Povedan
[ ]letranista
[ ]Bedan
[ ]a student in FEU
[ ]CEU ..
[ ]an augustinian
[x]human

11. our age gap should be

[ ]just a few months
[ ]1 year
[x]2-5 years (but not younger... like as if any young guys want like that >_>)
[ ]more than 5 years
[ ]nothing younger or over 5 years

12. our date should be in

[ ]a restaurant (DIET OI!)
[ ]park (AIYO NO, I'm not the mushy mushy type)
[x]cinema (This one standard rite? LOLWTF.)
[X]paris (OH BABY YES HERE!)
[X]sea shore (WITH A SUNSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
[]an island (don't know about this one... I'm not keen to go survivor style. No money for high class one lah)
[ ]vacation
[ ]every single place (AI SEH, TOILET also can ar? .... ok forget that)

The seeker

2007-01-18T13:50:00.000+08:00

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.
You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.
Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.
Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).

Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.
And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.
You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.
Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.

Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

- Out of the 12 quizzes I did on blogthings, I found this the most accurate. I have always thought I'm rather loud, but the truth is most of the times, I'm actually quite quiet, silently observing things, and keep to myself more than voice out my opinions. I think this is where the paradox comes in. Lin smelly knows how much of a debater I am, and well, I guess I tend to argue with people whose views I do no agree with. But I'll start it out slow, and my main intention is not to put the other person off, but to say my point and hopefully he/she will understand. I don't fight for fun you know.

~~anymore.~~

Anyway, its true that I'm more of a seeker- I question things, people and actions alot, I want to know everything and I want to know WHY they are that way. I don't know about the rest of you, but it's just my inquisitive nature. As far as I'm concerned, I've been this way since young, and its precisely because of this inquisitive nature that brought me where I am today- (barely) surviving in poly.

Its because of my interest in science and a hell lot of other things that I even bother to study or try to understand.

I'm the type who, when faced with something that does not even remotely interest me at all, I wouldn't think twice about dropping it/he/she.

o.O

Whatever.

But when I DO get interested in something/someone...

That's when the chase starts. I will stop at nothing to achieve what I want, or, if you may, will stop at nothing until I placate my desire to solve that problem.

So, yeah, a little snippet of who I really am...

More insights into myself in the future! ^^

Side note:

To a person, whom I don't think many people know about, but still a person nonetheless:

"I won't stop until I find out what I want. Damn, you're so interesting. I will use all of my power to uncover every little thing about you. HOHOHO."

Lots of love,

Jamsy Whamsy

XOXOXOXO

COUGH-CHOO!

2007-01-18T08:19:00.000+08:00

Ever since I got back from that holiday in Melaka with my (extended) family, I have been feeling sick, and most commonly at my throat area.

At first, it was a slight fever, then it escalated into an annoying sore throat, afterwhich I got a full blown throat infection, complete with a swollen throat.

About a week after getting that swollen throat, it gradually receded to slight coughing.

I did not actually pay much attention to the coughing, but lately I have been coughing so thunderously, I'd think even smelly Sai in Tampines can feel the vibrations.

Its like, there'll be this immensely annoying itch at the back of my tongue (start of throat/windpipe/trachea/whatever- you know what I mean) and then- BOOOM!

COUGH COUGH COUGH.

Its so uncontrollable, its like a SNEEZE!

Instead, this is from the mouth.

o.O

Ok, whatever.

Now the question is...

Should I go see a doctor?

Ouch.

2007-01-15T12:53:00.000+08:00

Its no secret that I lack subtlely and daintiness, quite unlike many girls, and besides the passport wash incident, you could say today morning was one of the worst mornings when my clumsy genes decide to function.

I was feeling rather thirsty, and I was too lazy to make a cup of milo (don't need the carbs anyway) so I inspected the fridge to see if there was anything quick and cold to gulp down.

Some kind soul had made a pot of tea (mmm, plain tea, MY FAVOURITE!) so i greedily grabbed the handle, and yanked it out of the fridge.

No sooner than the pot breached the confines of the coldness that clumsy genes decided to eff things up.

I spilled it all over the floor because it hit the door.

=.=

Now, mind you, the kitchen was rather dark, but not TOO dark not to see anything, though.

But still dark-ish ok.

And the best thing was.......................

I spilt it all over my tits.

One word:

OUCH.

It's times like this

2007-01-14T04:15:00.000+08:00

Its times like these, when the need for some online gaming has mysteriously vanished, or the appeal of The Sims 2 does not have any effect on me, that I find life rather boring. Its times like these, where I will find myself wide awake deep into the wee hours of the night (morning?) without any inkling of what I should even do to, you know, make some impact on my life. Like, clean the toilet or brush my teeth, or heck, even save trees by limiting the amount of paper I used for writing down ~~mushy nothings~~ random rubbish that eventually goes into the wastepaper basket.

Meh.

Its times like this, when boredom slyly extends its lithe fingers towards my being, enveloping my soul with hazy memories of the day's events (which consisted mostly of maple, actually) and the battle of emotions raging within me.

Yes.

No.

Don't.

Stupid.

Yes.

NO!

Stupid!

Its just a game!

OMGWTFBBQ?!

*slaps face*

Geh.

While I laze the time away listening to the intoxicatingly sorrowful tunes of 3 Doors Down, boredom brings forth his friends- melancholy, guilt, (surprisingly) exhilaration at certain past events, and the rapid succession into self-discovery mode.

Sometimes, boredom is good. It makes you reflect on yourself because most of the time you're either too busy with work, friends and tend to lean towards neglecting your own feelings and needs.

As I look back over the few weeks that have passed since the inception of the new year, 2007, I pray in my heart that this year is going to be a better one, better than all the other bittersweet years that have passed. Like Jae's nick says: 07 will heal those wounds.

Boy, I do hope so.

However, depressing news has just reached me yesterday, and to say I'm furious is a major understatement. I swear, I will find some way to make it to KL, babe.

I will kick his fuckin balls till they fuckin bleed all over his fuckin dick.

When I'm done, I'll smash his fucked up face and feed him to the crocodiles over at Taman Negara National zoo.

---------------

LOL.

Ignore that last bit of emotional outburst, I have just come to realise the importance of what you said yesterday.

He fucking cheated on you!

WTFBBQ!

---------------

Anyway, pray, do tell- how does one get rid of unnecessary emotions?

5 things you want to say to 5 people you can't name (Part I)

2007-01-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

1. "Gawd, get a life besides Mapling. You don't HAVE to reach that double digit ranking you crave manically for. Hope you get a girl, get a life and get married. -.-"

2. "Do you know he's cheating on you with 2 other girls? LOL."

3. "You're the most irritating, obnoxious, retarded shithead who blabs his mouth off without using his head. I thought I was bad, but you're worse than me!"

4. "You know, cavewomen didn't wear much clothes, but then again, they weren't exactly walking around in snow like that. They'd always be near a source of warmth, unlike you who has shown great potential to resist cold what with that pittance of cloth covering your body."

5. "I find it freaky that everytime I bitch about my dad, it HAS to be to YOU. -.-"

----------------------

PS: Sorry for the lack of updates. This is be my unofficial first post for 2007.

Some random thoughts:

- Need to change blogskin.

- Need to change mentality.

- Need to change shoes.

- Need to learn to listen before I speak.

ok, "New year" resolutions done.

^_^

Watch out for more 'x things to say to x ppl you can't name", boy do I have alot!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SAI!

2006-12-11T12:23:00.000+08:00

Hehe. As per title name.

I know how anal the title name was, I really couldn't think up of a nicer one... oh well... Anyway, December's supposed to be the month of melancholy, despair and depressive thoughts, and well, its essence HAS been kinda rubbing off on me, (alot, I may add) as you can gauge yourself from the way the previous 2 posts were written. Hah. I tend to allow myself too much space for depression, and I know that I shouldn't...

So nothing perks me up better to know that the baby of our KCG, Ms Saiyidah Bt Shariff a.k.a The Power Ranger Ninja from Taman Sheriff, Plentong (was it plentong? - oh whatever) has turned a wonderful EIGHTEEN!

LISTEN UP Y'ALL!

Sai can now LEGALLY WATCH M18 MOVIES!!

HOHOHO. This naughty brat has been secretly watching M18 movies featuring hot guys on her laptop, think I duno ah... *wink*

See? She's so happy cos i was her partner in crime.

HOHO.

OK lah. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- wah dah tua ah kakak ni.. HOHOHO

PS: Sorry this post was late; my dad didn't allow me to use the net yesterday -_-"

2006-12-08T12:30:00.000+08:00

Oh, and, Happy Belated birthday to me.

I turned 19 on the 1st of December.

Wow.

Whoa.

Walau.

Bye bye 18. No more lucky number 8; gotta wait 9 more years to have another 8 in my age.

-_-"

I know I'm supposed to blog about some rad birthday party held especially in my honour with a huge creamy chocolate cake and tons of birthday presents from tons of family members, but you see, that just does not happen in my life.

Anymore.

But oh well, let's get the creative juices flowing! I shall force myself into thinking happy thoughts and attempt to mentally visualise a perfect birthday bash...

*******************

The day was like any other day- boring, stuffy and hot- and the only redemption was that I could have a nice, long rest after returning back from school. Oh how the Singapore curriculum loves to torment us poor students!

I received a pleasant surprise when nearing the end of the day, my darling *coughs violently* (hey, it IS a fictional story whaaaat) father texted me to ask what time I would reach the causeway, so that I could be fetched home in the comfort of the big car, and snooze away the tiredness on the oh-so comfortable seats.

I pleasantly recall the morning's events, where in the blogs of my beloved friends, Lin and Sai, I saw myself in humorously awkward positions, as they dedicate a hilarious post specially for my birthday.

Ah, what a wonderful way to start the morning.

As I ambled lethargically across the customs immigration, I made a decision that I should not do my RJ since well, it IS my birthday and why should I bother myself with such a bothersome task? So leisurely I laid a hand onto the escalator's hand rest, and waited patiently for it to carry me down towards the bus area.

I walked towards the bus queue area, and lo and behold! There was no one in the queue! What a pleasant surprise for the birthday girl! Happily I placed myself in the front of the queue, and waited for the 950 bus to arrive. I could sense that the daywas different, because just a mere minute after waiting n the queue, I could see the bus along the horizon, arriving so quickly that the arduoud waiting process was not repeated on that night! How wonderful!

Smiling to my happy self, I got ready to board the bus, and within 5 minutes, I safely reached the other side of the causeway, back to home base, where the wonderful father was waiting patiently for my arrival. I felt like a princess!

................

Ok I think I shall not continue anymore. I can't seem to think of a nice scenario without making my writing look like an amateur's. Who the fuck am I trying to kid?

Oh well. I'd like to see if anyone can continue that story, or, make it better. Lets see how wonderful words can make someone feel eh?

:)

Friendship- An ephemera

2006-12-08T12:04:00.000+08:00

It amazing isn't it, to know how much life has changed in 2 years. Those twelve months (and more) pass by so quickly, you'd think that it was only last month, or even last week that you graduated from secondary school, received your 'O' Level results, hugged your supposedly best pal after 3 months of not seeing her face... Then it was struggling in The New School, especially if you're in RP- this hell of a curriculum that drains your very soul everyday... of course, you are not the only one suffering...

You remember your old friend. The one who went through some rough times with you and vice versa, the one with whom you exchanged crushes with, the one who helped you with your Malay homework, the one who shared your exuberant happiness when you lost (some) weight during TAF Club training (oh shuddup, I'm fat so what) the one who... gradually forgot about you and got lost in the ups and downs of her own life for the past 3 years.

But, you have never forgotten her. You have known her for what, 4, 5? 6 years? The one who has been your classmate for 5 consecutive years, who was your pillar of strength when you felt down, when you felt lonely and void of the happiness that can come only from friends; she was the one whom you felt was truly there for you when no one else was.

Or so you thought.

Best friends forever eh?

I know how sucky school can be, believe me, I have a sucky school to call my own; I know how life can fuck you upside down every other day of the week; been there, done that, still gonna have it on the schedule; I know how heartbreaks feel, I've felt yours, but you haven't felt mine, yet... but what I don't know, is.. Who am I to you.

All along, all my life, I have never got much happiness from people- be it classmates, schoolmates, CCA mates... From primary school to the end of secondary school, I have never experienced having the bestest of best friends; the type where so many people are showing off on their blogs, their notebooks, their where-fuck-evers. How my face grimaces into spite everytime I bloghop to blogs that proudly display the object of their affection from young to old, and the tons of pictures that come along with it. Not only that, there's the ever so occasional class gathering, the meet-ups, yada yada yadas. Pffft. No offence, but its just that I'm bitter like that. Life fucked around with my childhood and made me a freakazoid.

I guess I have never had the chance to truly trust anyone, so much so, that until now, I am afraid to call anyone my best friend, and have lost all hope of ever finding a soulmate. In my eyes, a soulmate is a best, bestest, bestestststt friend. However stupid that sounds. It can be male or a female; heck, it can even be an animal if you like, but for communication's sake, it should be someone who can communicate well with you, who will be with you for the rest of your life. Not only that, I don't actually know how this best friend thingy works. Is it you tell someone that hey, I wanna be your best friend? Or, you subtly hint that hey, we're best of friends?

Oh well, doesn't matter anymore. In any case, its certainly not something like, after you've known a person for 14144329 years, then AFTER you both graduate and go separate ways THEN you find out that the person considers you a best friend. Because something like that will only serve to ignite false hope and will indefinitely bring a torrent of emotional baggage that ANYONE would NOT want to have. Questions, questions, questions, and not a single answer for me.

Memorising everything about you was important, because that shows how special you are to me. But more important was birthdays. Never once in 5 years have I forgotten your birthday. Not once. Even after graduation, 2 years actually, when that special day arrives, I immediately think of you. In fact, a few days before. That is how important you are... were... to me.

Sometimes, as I'm busy trying to figure out where life fucked up, I stop for a moment to think about you, how you are coping with life now, what you are doing and basically, hope and pray that you're well. Knowing that you're still alive and kicking makes me a little happier. Happy to know that God hasn't taken away someone I cherish.

I am someone who takes the words spoken seriously. I DO NOT play around with words, or feelings of others, preying on their weaknesses and lack of self esteem for my own good. Remember that girl we used to hang out with? She made use of me, she befriended us- me- and used us as she pleased for her own interests. In the end, where is she now? Not even in ITE. And where is she in my heart? Gone.

But you, you I have retained a special place in my heart, built upon those years of friendship, despite being marred with instances of doubt, suspicion and distrust. But what was bad turned worse. I try to keep in contact with you after graduation; but well, it seems that someone has completely forgotten about me, memories fading away as slowly as how withered autumn leaves disengage from the tree. Those were the days; those were the times. The special closeness we once shared is gone, away with the ever changing winds of fate.

Actually, I have known this was going to happen for quite some time already; you have your new set of friends, I have mine. And I love them more than ever. But the difference between me and YOU, is that I do not choose to forget you for my new life, new schedule and new friends.

Bravo, dear friend, for remembering my supposedly special day one week after it has passed.
The hurt of not receiving even an acknowledgement on my special day cuts deep. Day after day I lay in wait of the beep of my mobile, to eagerly await my dear friend's belated message to arrive, wishing me wellness.

Alas, it never arrived... until a week later, after all hope of ever rekindling the dissipating friendship has evaporated.

I thought you’d at least remember my birthday, like I've remembered yours every year. The simple act of remembering a friend's birthday goes a long way. It shows that somewhere, somehow, in one's muddled mind of problems and life, the little light of friendship beams through, and that a friend is reserved in one's heart, right next to the other reserved ones. It shows how special a person is to you, no matter how close or distant.

The cut manifests itself deep into the fading areas of my heart; the areas where there was once us. The two who always stuck together...

Yes, I had no one else, while you had, well, everyone else. I was the weird one, the one everyone hated on different levels.

Oh well, whatever.

At least it was just a week, and not a month later.

And yes, I'm sensitive like that. I am super sensitive, despite looking like someone who doesn't care. That's why I take care to maintain homeostasis in friendships.

But sometimes, its just too hard. The ugly truth is, NO ONE can treat everyone equally, I know that and you know that. Its just a matter of where I am on that social ladder of yours.

Till then, my once best friend.

I have ceased to have hope for anything in life anymore, thanks alot for being the catalyst to that.

The peak of Mount. Emo

2006-11-30T11:30:00.000+08:00

It started benignly, like a spark, suddenly catching me unawares, catching the careful planner off guard. A slip of the tongue, the silent mental war starts.

It irks and disturbs me, this unnatural silence. The shielded words; caustic yet buffered, the undiscernible yet present air of animosity- there for a second, then gone.

This privatisation of emotions is killing me. The pain felt, like a lamb separated from the flock; the loss reverberates through the mind, body and soul, slowly detaching any fragment of hope- slow, slowly like the tears which fall from the heart.

The art of mastering the separate control of mind and body is put to the test; and as quickly as it started, the give-up sign looms nearer.

Probe, I try.
Examine, I wish I could.

This frustrating attempt to edge closer is being obstructed by your magnetic repulsion. This uncanny power you hold over me is startling and disquieting; I just wish you'd tell me what's wrong......

Just get me out

2006-11-20T18:57:00.000+08:00

Everytime I'm absent from school, I get some sort of response from people, and often times, its always the same; i.e. "ZOMG!", "WTF!", "GEEZ!", "WAHLAU!", "NOT AGAIN!", "!!!!!!"

...

And I'm getting tired of it.

And often times, I question myself- is that concern or just shock?

...

Oh whatever. Can't be bothered.

I mean, I don't hold it against you people for expressing shock over my attendance, and I am certainly in no position to tell you whether its right or wrong, but the thing is, I'm tired of the shock. I mean, yes, I absent myself alot, you guys sholuld be waaaaaaaaaaaaay over the "Omg jam, you ponned again?!" mentality.

Or at least, keep that shock to yourselves.

Its not exactly a walk in the park for me either cos frankly, the reason why I don't like coming to school is because I FUCKING hate it all.

I hate school cos its so far away
I hate school cos the day is oh so fucking long
I hate school because no one fetches me home
I hate school because there are fucking assholes in some of my classes
I hate school because sometimes, even though I try so hard my facis don't give me As; I have to write 1000 word long essays before they do
I hate school because what I want I can't get
I hate school because of certain people in certain places

and lastly...

I hate school because we have no exams and instead have fucking difficult tests that last only 30 minutes, and there's no transparency at all in how we're graded for each test.

I FUCKING HATE IT ALL.

And to top it off, I hate my fucking home.

I hate how much of a prison it has become to become to me, instead of a place for solace and comfort.
I hate how much I don't have my friends who live a few towns away from me; where we can meet up for coffee or a chat
I hate how much I have to keep smoking in the toilet without getting caught
I hate how much I don't have any place to go despite living here for 3+ years
I hate how much there are no cute guys in the neighbourhood, but I'll close one eye over this matter
I hate how much there are no cute girls to ogle at, but again, I'll skip one eye over this matter since I'm not supposed to look at girls anyway. *shrugs*
I hate how much the FUCKING MAT REMPITS drive their DOGGONE FUCKING LOUD MOTHERFUCKING MOTORBIKES in the still of the night
I hate how the neighbours like to spy on me when my curtains are open
~~I hate how the neighbours try to compete with me in singing in the loo~~
I hate the fact that any place of even the slightest entertainment is a 5 minute drive, and NOT a 5 minute WALK
I hate the fact that my neighbours all converse in malay, which I frequently stammer because I'm nervous when speaking malay

And on top of all things.....

I hate myself.

.......

You know what my bro told me just now? He said my dad used my line's available upgrading plan to buy himself a new phone.

And he kept it a secret from me, until my brother decided to rat on him ("Should I tell u or no ah kak?")

No fucking wonder he didn't entertain me when I asked him about upgrading my phone's plan, because as you all know, this phone of mine is rather old and used, and certainly deserves a change.

And the best thing is, he hardly ever lets me use his phone (the one he used MY UPGRADE PLAN WITH) for purposes, like, playing games.

He has like, TONS of games in his phone. You know, those java ones.

The fact that he used something that is rightfully MINE is so disappointing. HE KNOWS I want a new phone; its not like I asked him for some high tech fancy schmany one right? This old phone is laggy and slow. And without me, he wouldn't be able to use a plan to get himself ANOTHER phone. He wouldn't have the plan to start with.

Currently, he has 2 phones, both Nokia and 3G, using HIS PLAN and MY PLAN.

And I need a new phone; this one might go bust any moment.

That's it people. I am SOOOOO getting a new line. I'm going to get a line for MYSELF where I can actually USE my upgrading plan to BUY A NEW PHONE after 2 years.

I alomost cried when I found out that he did that without even so much as a notice to me; I mean, I know lah he pays my bills and all, but the thing is he doesn't even give me enough allowance in the first place, so its really even now.

I feel so... cheated.

By my own dad.

My god.

Its no wonder I don't love him. Want to know why people smoke? Ahh well, its precisely because of people like him. I want to see how long it is before his stupid brains catch on to the fact that I'm sneaking cigs in the toilet.

This gives me a thrill; I can be naughty and no one will be the wiser. Not only that, I love nicotine.

And yes, I know the dangers of whateverfuckshitnots associated with smoking, blah blah blah, I'd bet my last pennies that I know more about it than you do.

Yes, I googled it, just like I google every thing else in the world that I wanna know.

Anyway, that's not the fucking point, the POINT IS:

I can't wait to get out of this stupid place.

Naw, I'm not gonna use any cheem cheem words here, forgive me, but I seem to have forgotten much of my vocabulary. Not that it's a problem to you anyway.

And you must be thinking who the hell I'm referring to as "you" in this post, it can be anyone; any random person reading my blog.

...

In any case, I don't know if any of you have seen or noticed it, but here's a girl, stuck in a prison up North, who's crying out for help since like, 12981392345654 years ago.

Like someone once said, people smile and laugh for different reasons, I do it to forget the rest of the shit in my life.

Yura Yura by Hearts Grow (Naruto 9th Opening Lyrics)

2006-11-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

Yura yura to yuganda sora e
(In these wavering skies)
kimi no moto e tonde yuke
(I will fly to you.)

Zutto soba ni itta kara
(Since we've always been together,)
aita sukima ooki sugite
(the space between us has become too big.)
Namaiki na kimi no sunao na henji
(Waiting for your honest reply,)
matte dare ga sabishii
(anyone would be lonely.)

Mirarenai machi de naiteru nara
(If you're crying in the town I can't see,)
soba ni inakutemo egao wa todoketai
(even if I'm not with you, my smile will reach you.)

Yura yura to yuganda sora e
(In these wavering skies,)
kimi no moto e tonde yuke
(I will fly to you.)

Konna ni mo chikazu ni kanjiteru
(I can feel it this close,)
futatsu no omoi
(these two feelings.)

__________________

Ahh. Sugoi desu. Just the song I've been looking for, and the fact that my bro and I fell in love with it the moment our ears heard it adds even more points to its likeability factor. Despite being an anime/japanese song, which not many people particularly like.

In any case, I've been offering my psychiatric services to a few people who needed them, for the past few days. Hehe. I mean, I've got to test out my l337 sk1llz on them.

Haha, no.

Actually just been lending an ear to some souls who need them. Or rather, 10 fingers and alot of heart.

Oh what the hell am I bambling on.

------------------

I'm chatting (or attempting to) with a few friends now, and I'm practically telling all of them, to some extent, how BORED I am with my life now, and how much I wish to go out somewhere and DO SOMETHING.

I WISH THAT I CAN SPEAK FLUENT FRENCH, RUSSIAN (and) Ukranian +++ all asian languages and be on some top secret mission to infiltrate the US pentagon and expose theire dirty work.

Or something like that.

I want to do something reckless.
I want to be OUT OF THIS STUPID FUCKED UP HOUSE and BE... BE......... Playing badminton

or or or

shopping

or

having a night out with the girls

or

sheesha-ing at Arab street with some good pals

or

going visiting

or

going backpacking on the mountains bordering nepal

or

going hiking in yellowstone

or

walking the treetops trail

or

backpacking across the world

or

going snorkeling in the crystal clear waters off Tioman Island

or

riding 10 rollercoasters a day and loving each minute of it

I need to get out of this cage that surrounds me.

I need to have unrestrictive freedom.

Ok, so that was a dumb sentence but it sounds nice, so what gives.

I just wanna go out and see the world.

I can just hear the world calling me...............................

rant

2006-11-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

ARGH!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK IT.

NBCB.

You know who you are.

Thanks alot for embarassing me.

pffffffffffffft.

Commandment # 3 of The Ten Commandments (Basic Courtesy edition)

2006-11-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

I am so freaking pissed off at a certain group of people right now, or should I be more specific- a certain family.

Just imagine this- you've just reached home from a very tiring day at school, in which you had a sudden spell of fever for a few hours in class, so you take a nice, soothing long bath, with little or no plans to even entertain anyone this particular night- then you leisurely take your time to warm up your food, now and then slipping in between commercials to check it, and Phua Chu Kang (Final season!) really got you in the mood for some relaxation and casualness and JUST as you are about to sit down in front of the TV- JUST BEFORE YOUR ASS TOUCHES THE GROUND, you hear a rattling on your gates. Of course, you have to get back up to see who or what in the bloody damn world would be making such a racket at such a leisurely hour right?

Then, you hear the very few words that should never be in the same sentence uttered on the night you want to relax-

"ASSALAMUALAIKUM! ISA! NAK RAYA!"

......

F****** ***.

It doesn't matter who or what Isa is. Ok well, Isa is my brother. And if the person calls out my brother's name means that person knows *at least* my brother. And if you FUCKING KNOW MY BROTHER, WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T HE KNOW YOU ARE VISITING FOR HARI RAYA?!

You suka suka barge in on a blissful, Must-see-Tuesday night with your troupe of family members, expecting our humble abode to be filled with festively-dressed people welcoming you with open arms because "HEY, WE'RE VISITING YOUR HOUSE UNINVITEDLY!"

BLOODY HELL! Can you bloody ****** at least show some modicum of decency, respect and basic courtesy to your neighbours (yes, they're my fucking neighbours) and AT LEAST LET US KNOW you are dropping by?

Bloody hell you think what, our house is stocked with kuih raya just waiting to be eaten at any time of the day? You think what, people don't need to come back home from school? You think what, people will automatically change into their celebration clothes the moment the magic word "raya" is called out?

YOU THINK WHAT, WE ARE A FUCKING

SHOP?

Open what time, 9 am to 9 pm issit?

KNNBCCB.

And I was just about to enjoy my meal of the day (considering I ate scraps of food the whole day, and had only 2 hours of sleep the night before), I was wearing my EXTREMELY casual home clothes, My boobs were taking a break from being confined to a bra for 14+++ hours, I haven't combed my hair cos ITS STILL BLOODY WET FROM MY BATH, and LASTLY- I'm NOT IN THE BLOODY MOOD TO RAYA!

And what did my mother say to me?

"Let them in la! You go make the drinks!"

NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL am I going down there *unarmed*. I mean, I'm not going to magically change into my exhausted baju kurung for uninvited and certainly unexpected guests. I WANT TO EAT AND I WANT TO WATCH TV LAH CHEEBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 ITS A BLOODY SCHOOL DAY!

...

And the worst thing about these people is that our community around here does NOT consist of the typical lower-middle-income range of families; these people are adequately affluent, and this PARTICULAR FAMILY is PARTICULARLY RICHER than MY family.

They're richer, so?

SO that *fucking* means you should at least KNOW HOW TO practice some sense of bloody courtesy!

You will never ever find me dropping by uninvited to your house for hari raya, or chinese new year or even christmas without so much as a bloody call. Unless its due to urgent reasons lah, that'd be understandable-

My mother taught me- LET PEOPLE KNOW FIRST IF YOU'RE VISITING.

That's like, one of the ten commandments of basic courtesy, dude.

***

#3- Thou shalt not drop by uninvited AND unexpectedly into people's houses for seasonal celebrations.

***

Seriously, some people URGENTLY need a brain transplant. It might very well save the whole human race from extinction.

Pfffffffffffffffffffft.

Speaking of malicious intents bordering the line of murder...

2006-11-14T08:51:00.000+08:00

Hehehe.

I was very worked up yesterday due to some hormonal imbalance brought about by the stimulus of the mind from several stressful events, thereby making my mood swing erratically every few hours.

I know linsy hates that kind of writing, HAHAHAHA.

Ok la... in plain english means I was fucking angry lor.

My temper easily flared up everytime I think of mr brown. Not the Mr Brown who has a blog, refer to my previous post (which was basically a rant) to know about THIS fucking brown.

I got angry while walking to the bus stop, got angry when I was bored IN the bus ON the ride home (stupid boredom) and got angry when I re-read my post, hoping to spot and correct any grammatical errors I might've made. Needless to say, those grammatical errors that exist (if any) ceased to be on my priority list for rectification, because well, anger takes precedence over the correction of grammatical mistakes. *sniffs*

ANYWAY, the point of my post is that since I was angry and all, I took out my little purple book (no, its got nothing in common with the little red book of Chairman Mao's quotes, unless you count in murderous quotes, lol) and jotted down some ghastly, graphic murderous thoughts that ran through my head. Naw, its nothing sexually explicit, in fact, its so bloody technical, you'd curse and swear science and scientists for taking over poor Jamsy's cute little head.

Err, yes linsy, IT IS scientific. In fact, my tag on your blog is related to it; and in even MORE fact.... it IS the basic layout of my ~~eeeviiil plans for world domination~~ graphic, murderous thoughts specially reserved for dear mr brown.

And- rawdah and ronald would love this part. Bio geeks, unite. Ok here's what I wrote down, per verbatim (but with grammatical edits of course, DUH):

"If I had a superpower that could be hidden- i.e. death note style, I'd wish I have the power to induce cell apoptosis." - Part I

For those that detest the usage of technical scientific words, cell apoptosis simply means cell DEATH.

Now, every idiot in the universe knows that our body is made up of cells right? And cells make tissues make organs make human body. Take away cells, then human body = finito.

Eventually.

Therefore, in order not to stain my hands with classical (and boring) cold- blooded murder styles i.e. The Heart Stab, The Strangulation, The Gunshot through the Heart, et al, I shall instead induce the death of something as tiny as cells, something that is unnoticed, that I won't be blamed outright for, nor will be liable for murder because I will induce the cells to work AGAINST THEIR HOST THEMSELVES!!

AM I EVIL OR AM I EVIIIIL!!!!

:D

Anyway, it DOES continue you know. I wrote around two pages worth of what evil, graphic things I'd induce certain cells to do, but to summarise for everyone out there, it simply means the end of the whole affair will be a very messy one.

A graphic, messy affair.

...

On another not-completely unrelated note, I'd like to say that I just loooooovvvvvvvvve chatting with Ronald.

Although I don't really know him well (online friend; friend of smelly yong zhi's), I tell you, when I start chatting with that fella, it'd go ON and ON and ON and ON into the night, or until at least one of us wants to fall asleep. Depending on whether my hardworking genes are switched on or not, he'd be the one to go off to sleep first because I wouldn't have completed my RJ (i.e. fucking homework) as I was too busy chatting about err... hot, sexy teachers with quirky names, science, science again and well... science. HAHAHHAHAA. But of course, that depends on whether my RJ deadline is 2359 or 0759 the next day. But its not fair, he's so smart yet he's not a nerd. GOD IS UNFAIR OK. :(

*sniffs in ronald's face*

...

On ANOTHER NOT-so-unrelated note, I believe yesterday was a momentous day. Night. the night before was a momentous one. GAH.

I believe... *drumrolls* that yesterday's RJ of mine took the icing on the cake because it is *currently* The LONGEST RJ I have EVER written in my life. I KNOW it's bloody long, cos my scroll bar was rather SHORT, so I inquisitively went to check how many words I've written... aaaaaand.........

936.

Tee hee.

But hor, compared to normal people, I'd say my RJs' content are... much more adequate than normal. But that's vastly different from those weird weird people who write super huge ass essays filled with words, words, words hoping to score a better grade. Way different. My Z-score isn't anywhere above nor below the +/-2.0 range, LOL. Its just that yesterday's RJ was irritatingly interesting- interpret that however way you like.

Like I was complaining to linsy early in the morning about how bleeding tired I was after writing my daily thesis paper, that kental replied my message about an hour after I sent it to her, because *as usual* her soul wasn't yet in her body.

*rolls eyes*

Oh hell. I'm utterly exhausted after writing this entry. And I'm supposed to be reading up on homeostasis lah.

=.="

Shoot me in the head now, please.

gentle reminder [I'll post as and when I want to]

2006-11-13T13:55:00.000+08:00

Sincerest apologies and heartfelt regret to my boobies; whose houses I was supposed to visit last Saturday for jalan raya- but couldn't at the last moment. You know why. I wish I could, but my mood was spoiled very badly the day before. :(

Anyway, I don't know where my life is heading. I hate school for its certain number of days because of a particular someone, whom we shall herein refer to as "brown" (sorry sai, can't use [you know what] since its too obvious] for certain reasons.

He, a.k.a 'brown' (which strikes me as being synonymous with SHIT, ha-de-ha) is the perfect specimen of CF.Porcinio, a.k.a Chauvinio Fuckinio Porcinio, well known for exellently expressing pain-in-the-butt genes.

Gosh, I can't even begin to describe how this [insert chim synonym for fucker] is screwed. Remember one of my previous posts where I ranted about this guy who painted each and every of his sentences with colorful expletives, and how irritated I was with it? Yeah- its the same person. Not only does his mother teach him to litter every 4th syllable with a fuck, cheebye or kanina, he apparently likes to snigger and smirk at me when I'm presenting.

Like, tell me. What the HELL is wrong with him? Some screws loose? What, he finds it amusing that I cannot answer a question properly?

Bloody hell, then answer it if he can lah! Better still, present all my slides for me, if he thinks he's so bloody smart.

Everytime he does that, it sends me into a spiral of depression- because I'll feel so... belittled and make me so nervous cos I can't answer the question, thus impeding my ability to answer it with a clear mind.

Like I was telling the girls just now, I think he sees me as a threat or he just hates me for something trivial like the way I speak or some other frivolous stuff guys hate girls for because their mtf huge ego feels small, blah blah blah.

I HATE GUYS.

...

On the other hand, there are much more cuter ones in the world with much better attitudes than the abovementioned thus I shall not be prejudiced to the whole species just because of one mutant like him.

Yes, he's probably raised by a single father; without a motherly figure in his life to teach him not to bind an expletive to every 4th syllable of a sentence and learn to be quiet when people are presenting.

Wait, I'm stereotyping again.

Damn, how can I do that?

naughty jam.

;D

P.S- GIRLS CAN OWN GUY'S ASSES- we just take a longer time to achieve l337n355 cos we're busy applying moisturizer.

*sniffs*

Of coffee and anti-virus scans

2006-11-07T09:55:00.001+08:00

Guess who these two jokers are.

... ok nvm, I realised I their names are rather prominent, bleh. =_="

This is a product of Jamsy's second attempt at vector art, the first one being the picture of the raven haired woman on the right on this blog. You can click the picture (of those 2 jokers) to view an enlarged version. =D This was the original:

LABOUR OF LOVE, DOL

(The dol makes reference to Linsy's current slang)

I tell you, vector art is damn good stuff. Its so addictive, once I got the hang of it, I went and did vectors of KGC; all four of them, ALL IN ONE DAY. Needless to say, I was exhausted the next day. I think I've done a pretty decent job of vectoring these two boobies, but I think to save everyone from death by viewing bad vectors, I'll skip putting up Nuwul's and Dyl's vectors... its really horrible, but I'll re-do them again (from scratch) as a proclamation of my labour of love for my boobies. And since KGC's not done yet, I can't start on yz's, snail's, rain's or zhi zhi's.... but all in due time :D

Oh, and I'm engaged to my laptop, officially. Since the Acer guy came to school to replace my CD-ROM (Acer's service is fast and efficient, unlike what some other people say), I've been surgically attached to my mouse and keyboard every waking moment, because now I CAN INSTALL AND THUS PLAY THE SIMS2!!! WOOHOO! (oh, btw, a 'woohoo' in The Sims = Making *ahem* Love)

Anyway, I skipped school yesterday (immunology) because the night before, I kukuheadedly (I hereby coin that word hor) went and drank 2 CUPS OF COFFEE @ 10pm... and subsequently stayed up awake all night until... no, staying up all MORNING would be more apt. I managed to catch some shut eye by 3.50am, then promptly woke up at 5.30am the moment my phone vibrated before the song chasing cars came on. Yes, I was THAT AWAKE, even when sleeping. Then I chatted with Sai bacin, who is more kukuheaded than me, apparently (ooh- are Sagittarians kukuheaded by nature? o.O) from 7.15 (cos I still couldn't sleep) to 8 plus when I promptly fell asleep... but NOT due to fatigue for staying up the whole night/morning, but BECAUSE I WAS RUNNING MY ANTI-VIRUS SCAN. I tell you, if you want to fall asleep quickly, but abhor the very thought of the counting gravity-defying farm animals, then RUN YOUR ANTI-VIRUS SCANNER. Preferably do it on your laptop so you can place it right in front of your eyes when you're sitting on your bed. Oh, don't forget to install comfy cushions adjacent to your being, on the floor... just in case. lol.

Ah, the wonders of caffeine and its antidote. What an amazing world we live in.

XD

2006-11-04T12:21:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored.

I wanna have a crush on someone leh. No one seems... crushable these days. Everyone gets on my nerves. Sheesh.

I think I'll go drool over an anime character.

What the hell am I rambling on anyway?

Ok Jam is gonna be busy these few weeks, days, months.

I have to get all of this shit done-
1. JIVE IG-cum-8AIDS special for @LOUD (INTERVIEWS!)
2. Work with Prabhu to dig more stuff gg on in school for the campus scrapbook article
3. WeBlog's multitude of events going on- I don't even have a concrete list of who I'm working with for anything; I find that I keep changing positions and duties everywhere, one moment I'm in X the next moment I'm in Y.... -_-

And on top of that, I'm attending the Creative Writing Workshop in school, which I'm actually looking forward to... since it's been years since I've written a decent composition. Heck, the last time I wrote a decent composition that was fictonal was 2 years back, taking my O's. No thanks to my stupid memory, I forgot what it was about... and what other countless things that I've forgotten about too.

I just want to watch anime and play Sims and eat Kuih Raya the whole day..........................

CAN?

CANNOT...

STUPID............GGGRRRRR.

But I can't blame anyone, I chose to accept those tasks myself so I HAVE to get them done by hook or by crook.

This is Jam's Test of Endurance By Heavy Workload Part II. I think I passed the first test, so.... I should STOP BEING SO LAZY AND GEt SOME WORK DONE.

GARGGH.

And when the hell can I find time to get to the gym?

-__-

Oh, btw... gotta share this nice video called "Demi Waktu" by Ungu, an Indonesian band... Very emo-jiwang. I LOIIIKE. =D

2006-11-02T10:47:00.000+08:00

Hi all. Sorry for the long hiatus. Been busy with... just been ~~lazy~~ busy.

*ahem*

Anyway, for the latest low on my life, do check out THIS POST to find out my latest display of idocy that yours truly is capable of. Hint: Its related to passports.

No, its got nothing to do with literally washing my passport in the washing machine like... the other time. Ahem.

These few days been busy visiting the neighbours' houses, and I must say, my neighbours are a friendly bunch of people! They always have smiles on their faces and show sincere hospitality when my family goes visiting. That's the spirit I tell ya.

Anyway, here are a few videos I stumbled upon while traversing the unknown lands of youtube.

My distant nephew, Helmi, directed me to this video- Its fuckin sick, dude. Sicker than assassin's creed. o.O!!

Yes, its Le Parkour, go Wiki it if you don't know what's it about. This guy,
Xin SarithAzuma Phan Wuku (what a friggin long name), he's the fking 1337 0WnnnnZ00r. Did you see the scene where he jumped UP just by using leg power? LEG POWER LEH!!! CHAO CHEEBOOBIE!!!! HE'S FUCKING NARUTO FROM USA LAH! Confirm go cosplay as sasuke he win award one. With chop. Haha.

Ok, ok, Jam cool down. He's just a normal guy with extraordinary abilities. HOHOHO.

Then, I went to search for Bleach Episode 101 and 102, which *according to my ~~IDIOTIC~~ CUTE little brother, Isa, Is OUT (but actually isn't yet -_-)

Well, here's what I found, together with all 472 comments (and counting) accompanying it.

WATCH IT FIRST.

HAHAHAHA I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING MY ASS OFF WATCHING THIS BLOODY VIDEO. I have no idea why, it just makes me laugh. I can't help it. Knowing some idiots around the world spent like 9 minutes of their life waiting for Bleach Episode 101 to load or smth, when *clearly* its a fking FRAUD.

Click HERE to see all 476 (current) comments.

ROFL.

Anyway, to the taggers:

SORRY. HERE' S MY UPDATE. NOW DON'T COMPLAIN ANYMORE K? Hee.

2006-10-16T15:00:00.000+08:00

I excitedly logged in to blogger to blog about... something.

Because blogger took an eternity to load, I went and read up on muscles (current prob of the day) and subsequently...

I forgot what I wanted to blog about.

But anyways, lookie here, I found something idiotic that popped out of my computer.

(I know its horribly micro, so click on it for a bigger view)

And yes, I said it was a pop-up and I MEAN IT. It always pops up once a week, on Mondays, I think. Cos it only appears during my anatomy module, therefore only once a week, on Mondays.

Besides installing unknown programs in my personal computer, RP specialises in dispensing powderful, grammatically incorrect advice, which everyone knows causes jam much pain and distress, and she may consequently start foaming at the mouth and make gurgling, incoherent sounds.

Never let bad english come near Jam.

BREATH IN, JAM.

Oh, speaking of horrendous English, I suddenly remembered about one of my favourite websites, Engrish[dot]com, which specialises in making people like me ~~roll on the floor and laugh our asses out with mucous and tears flowing out of our visible orfices~~ snigger cutely at the preposterous and ridiculous errors found in everyday objects, i.e. signages, cereal boxes, et al.

These are just some of my favourites...

According to some people, hamburgers are a 'him', not an 'it'. That hamburger is delicious. He is filled with tomatoes, pickles and beef patties. He is so yummy.

-_-

Ok... I shall not worry as long as I am a 'sex'. According to some people, they think that sex is a countable noun, just like an apple. Don't worry, be apple! Don't worry, be table! Don't worry be charger!

LawL.

"Girls, I'm marraige!"

Alfred Hitchcock's? Alfred Hitchcock's WHAT?

"Hi! I'm Jam and I am____________"

Ok lah, actually I'm bored. So I decided to LMAO at those pictures. You can enjoy more of those at Engrish.com. You won't regret I tell you. :D

And I'm sleepy and hungwy. Why must people eat in the class?

:(

2006-10-13T16:15:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here blogging because

1) I am bored
2) I have nothing to do
3) I have a lot of free time because I'm not at school.

And I'm supposed to take my immunology UT today.

Heh.

I have a histroy of skipping UTs. Haha. Its a wonder how come I still can pass my last sem's modules, LOL.

Besides that shocking revelation, I was just thinking of something funny. Remember that time when that imbecile SHAHRAIN BIN SARDON made fun of me (and countless times afterwards) because I mixed up the meaning of 'pudar' (distance or distant in malay) with 'pudina' (mint)?

Yeah, soon after that embarassing incident, EVERYONE made fun of me and thus Jam became synonymous with Mint, prompting those bozos to chant the "Kurasakan PUDINA dalam hatiku..." song (I feel the MINT in my heart -_-) everytime something reminded them of that. Actually hor, I got blog about this song once leh. I even translated the whole bloody thing just to show that my malay is not all gone to the dogs.

Click here for the post if you want to bask in the immense power of my translation prowess.

-beams-

But, yeah, well, it seems I did it again. Well, seeing Ms Haliza's tag reminded me of it again, and of other countless, embarassing translation errors I have made in my lifetime.

For Ms Haliza's case, it was when she ask me if I knew the best places to buy this malay traditional kuih (confectionary) called "Bingka Ubi". Its a sort of traditional kueh made from tapioca (ubi) and baked to form this cake like... thingy.

Anyways, me being the bloody imbecile I am, commented: "Huh? FRAME Ubi?", because the English word for 'frame' is BINGKAI.

-____-"

I know, I know... my malay IS terrible, despite how much I try to redeem myself with attempts at translation of big passages filled with cheem, cheem words.

Hurhur.

But but but, I think I'm not that bad leh. I am SO PROUD of myself for translating something Ariel asked me to, ALL BY MYSELF!!

And its cheem cheem one also leh!!

Wait, I show you:

(taken from Sal's blog)

"Sesungguhnya di dalam surga terdapat satu pintu yang dinamakan pintu 'al-Rayan' yang hanya dimasuki oleh orang-orang yang berpuasa. Ditanyakan (oleh pintu tersebut): 'Di manakah orang-orang yang berpuasa?' Maka mereka pun masuk dari pintu tersebut. Setelah semua orang yang berpuasa memasukinya, pintu itu pun ditutup dan tak akan ada lagi yang masuk melaluinya." (HR. Muslim, dari Sahl Ibn Sa'd).

My translation:

"Verily in heaven there exists a door called 'Al-Rayan' which is only permissible to those who fast. When asked (about that door): 'Where art those who fast?'- They have but, entered the door. After those who fast have entered, the door thus closes and would not permit anyone else from entering."

CHEY WAH.

I am very proud of myself ok! I can translate so well!

Hahaha ok Jam, stop dreaming lah. Nothing cheem about that, HAHA.

Oh speaking of that line, I did some thinking and had a conversation with my mother about the Quran, Hadis and Men.

Linsy would know about my stance against Hadiths, but let me clarify here first that I am not totally against Hadiths. I only disagree with the contents of some of the hadiths, that's all. My basis for this argument lies in the fact that

1) It was written by men (as in, the male species)
2) Its not a comprehensive, and entirely factual work (there are alot of contradicting things)
3) Some of the things said in them contradict the Quran.

Now, there are alot of hardline hadith lovers out there, no offense to any of you aites. In this month let us not argue about something as trivial as this.

My advise to you people is to READ THE QURAN and understand it and not to immerse yourselves in mindless banter and backstabbing, nor follow with manic fanaticism each and every supposed sunnah that you hear, spending more time hearing what people say must do or not to do "because the hadiths say so".

I'm not telling you to not read the hadiths, if you want to, go ahead, but reading the Quran is more important so that you may not be mislead.

This month is the holy month where of all things, the HOLY QURAN was given down unto Muhammad (SAW; PBUH) in order to give men knowledge so that they may be led onto the right path.

There are many instances of the contradictions, but I shall not discuss about them here for it will offend many people. But let me re-state again: I AM NOT TOTALLY AGAINST THE HADITHS, unlike what one PERSON of yesteryear claimed, whose name I cannot put here.
(But some of you know which particular person is that :)

Anyways, I wish all of you peace, and a few excerpts from Surahs that have caught my attention, and wish to share with you people.

"Then woe to those who write the Book with their own hands, and then say:"This is from Allah," to traffic with it for miserable price!- Woe to them for what their hands do write, and for the gain they make thereby." (2:79, Holy Quran)

"Quite a number of the People of the Book wish they could Turn you (people) back to infidelity after ye have believed, from selfish envy, after the Truth hath become Manifest unto them: But forgive and overlook, Till Allah accomplish His purpose; for Allah Hath power over all things." (2:109, Holy Quran)

- These are my response to the creators of the cursed blasphemy of a damnation, The Fake Furqan, whose main purpose if to convert Muslims into Christians. Ye can plan and plan, but Allah (SWT) is the best planner amongst ye all.

I quote to you all Surah 93, The Morning Hours, Morning Bright! (Ad-Duhaa)

1. By the Glorious Morning Light,

2. And by the Night when it is still,-

3. Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased.

4. And verily the Hereafter will be better for thee than the present.

5. And soon will thy Guardian-Lord give thee (that wherewith) thou

shalt be well-pleased.

6. Did He not find thee an orphan and give thee shelter (and care)?

7. And He found thee wandering, and He gave thee guidance.

8. And He found thee in need, and made thee independent.

9. Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness,

10. Nor repulse the petitioner (unheard);

11. But the bounty of the Lord - rehearse and proclaim!

Now, why did I come across this surah? Well... those who can read between the subtle lines, you will come to realise why... Its not for the purpose of chiding you, but it is Allah's way to let you know of his will... :)

Dost ye wish to go against thy lord? If ye be true to yeself, ye will obey Allah's commands.

Wasallam.

2006-10-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

I don't understand how stupid some people can be.

The extent of their sheer stupidity, ignorance and lack of respect mystifies me, really.

When people are fasting, its best that they refrain from looking at anything remotely related to food right?

But SOME PEOPLE, some really imbecilic air-headed pruneheads still have the gall to barge into class, carrying plastic bags and other whatnots filled with delicious, tempting, sumptuous smelling FOOD.

Then after royally barging into the class with the food, they still can ask "Do you mind us eating here?"

-_______-"

Its obvious you brought the food all the way from W4's canteen to class, and to bring it back out would be very troublesome, so what else can I say except grunt an approval?

You so obviously intended to eat in class, whether we give you the approval or not.

I can't say: "No no cannot! You go out and eat! I'm fasting!" and shoo them out. That would make me look like a really intolerant Singaporean Muslim who is so ngiao about this kind of thing.

And especially even more so when some other Muslim in class GLADLY WELCOMES THEM TO EAT IN FRONT OF US.

"Eat, eat! Eat lah!" *wide grin*

-_____-"

Like, um, HELLO? I AM FASTING LEH.

Very dots right?

If I were you, I'd pretend I'm doing something else, and ignore the person, giving disapproving stares here and there for emphasis.

Silence does not mean consent you know.

For m right, I will silently make them uncomfortable by passing snide comments like "WHOA SMELLS NICE, GEE, TOO BAD I'M FASTING" or alternatively, show them the most pitiful face I can muster.

Sooner or later, they'll get the message that YES, I DO MIND.

And the reason why I'm not vocal to them is because my classmates consist of a bunch of people who know each other from don't know where (probably ex-classmates) and make me feel alienated by their unfriendliness.

Oh, I don't know lah. I can't be bothered anymore. I just hate my class. Classes. Whatever. The only class I like is immunology (and possibly rDNA) because my teams are excellent for them both. Ok maybe except for rDNA where there's this bossy, manipulative-like person in my team which I DON'T LIKE.

YES I DON'T LIKE A LOT OF THINGS.

I am picky.

So what?

As human beings you all must respect each other's wishes right?

Oh well, whatever.

I'm starting to regret choosing anatomy. Should have chosen cell culture instead, where the probability of me getting nicer people is higher since there are more people choosing cell culture, and thus more people.

But people say regret is a wasteful emotion.

So I shan't waste err… waste something because of regret; so I shan't harp on this matter anymore, and find something more productive to do.

Pfffffht.

2006-10-02T17:59:00.000+08:00

I wonder.

I sit and wonder, about the hypocrisy and the lies we subject ourselves to everyday of our lives.

What hypocrisy, you ask? What lies? What the hell are you talking about, Jamsy?

The lies that we tell to deceive ourselves.

To tell ourselves that such and such is this way because of this and this, and its permissible.

We make exceptions; excuses to justify our actions.

Ironically, for the ones we love, we care for, we make excuses to downgrade ourselves; its fine to be at the losing end just so we don't offend them, even though we are NOT HAPPY with the suggestions; we DO NOT AGREE with the suggestions; we FEEL BELITTLED by the suggestions and we think -

Its ok.

And we lie and lie and lie to ourselves, excuses, excuses, excuses.

Until when must this end?

I don't know anymore.

I strive so much to be individualistic; to have my own mind; to be my own person; but-

I can't even say no?

Or speak out?

What is wrong with me?

What is holding me back?

WHY DOES IT HOLD ME BACK?

WHAT AM I AFRAID OF?

Honestly, I know the answer myself.

I know I am guilty of being a hypocrite and a liar to myself.

I treat my own self so badly.

I hate myself,

I want to kill myself,

I torture myself

When Allah the Almighty clearly put me on this world to prove myself to him that I am worthy of entering his coveted heavens.

How can I achieve that, pray, do tell, when I am against myself?

It's an irony, isn't it, when I hate myself so much, but when a opportunity comes to showcase something that I achieved, I show it with pride?

Why do I do that if I hate myself so much?

Isn't that hypocrisy?

Does that equate to hypocrisy to myself?

My religion?

My god?

Pray, do tell.

What am I not doing right.

For I need to change myself, for the better.

I find it sickening that I should live my life in this way, where I play cat and mouse; hide and seek, lies and deception-

And all for what?

To survive?

"Ya Allah, please lead me on the right path,by your guidance. Let me not be led astray from the kafir, and be on the right path always. Help me, Ya Allah the most Gracious, Most merciful. For only you are the one who can. And no one else"

Amin.

I HATE TODAY'S TEAM.

2006-10-02T08:55:00.000+08:00

Oh god, what a start to the day.

Not only did I reach school 2 hours earlier than everyone else, I get stuck in a group of two people whose good books I'm not exactly in.

Oh have I mentioned about those two? Somehow, I feel that they are biased towards me, don't ask me why. I just KNOW.

Anyways, with the old school... flowered up mentality (I'll refrain myself from using expletives) that one of them posesses, he asked the previously two-membered team (i.e. me and the other girl) to move to the middle table of the class because our class lacks people and the faci has to shift people around.

Erm, like, HELLO? 2 vs 1, who do you bloody think should move?

But it's ok, I'll forgive stupidity because well, unlike me, some people need to wake up first before their wimpy minds can process math and probability. I mean, oh, its only 8.53 am, who is awake at this time to think properly, right?

*rolls eyes*

Oh, by the way, not only is someone less intelligent than usual in the morning, that someone doesn't wish to sit beside me, where my back is facing the windows rather than the rest of the class.

Erm.

One may have his reasons for not sitting beside me, in fact its better if he doesn't, but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

Like, do I look so ghastly or scary or dangerous looking that you would rather sit oppositely adjacent (adjacently opposite?) in a not-so-strategic position than sit beside me where your back faces the windows?

Oh oh oh, and snaily knows about this idiotic asswipe of a guy, who ignores me whenever I TALK. I hate people who do that.

Chao...cheekenpie.

What a COMBINATION.

Gehh, god loves me, no?

Oh gee, whatever lah eh.

Stupid, intolerant, racist people exist, and honestly, i'm like, WHATEVER.

They can go and die for all i care.

Pfffffffffht.

Oh wait, what's this? He's leaving?

the ignorant guy!! Yes!!!!!!! He's leaving for the IT-Helpdesk!

Oh my mama that is one idiotic problem down.

Ok now I know God loves me.

:)

-gah I am so twisted.

My panda rhapsody

2006-10-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

As you can see, I've made some changes here and there, the most prominent being the new youtube video addition to the column on the right.

If your itchy hands have expressed interest by clicking the little triangle button in the middle, you would come to realise that that video is none other than...

THE PANDA RHAPSODY!

Whee!!!!!

After countless months and days of searching high and low for this elusive video, let alone song, I have finally managed to find it uploaded on youtube.com by some kind soul. (whom i think shares the same love for cute fat pandas rolling as I)

How can one deny the overwhelming and endearing feeling this little fat panda exudes as the adorable child-like voice sings the panda rhapsody while its namesake rolls around in snow?

HOW, I ASK YOU?

YOU CANNOT DENY IT!!

THIS LITTLE PANDA IS SO KAWAII!!

ITS TOO KAWAII!!

I LOVE IT!!

I WANT A KAWAII PANDA ALL FOR MYSELF TOO, I DON'T CARE!

haha.

Okayla. Cute right? I love it ok? And don't say I'm childish! It's children's day, whaddya expect?

-_-

Today is...

2006-10-01T20:10:00.000+08:00

After days of eating leftover food, pickled curry chicken (I call it pickled because it was disgustingly salty) and other leftover scraps, I FINALLY went to the market and bought proper food.

I made chicken soup and mixed veggies yesterday, and DAMN, it was good, if I may say so myself. I haven't tasted sweet peas in months, probably years, and I can't even begin to describe the wonders of eating such a healthy and delectable meal.

Too bad my dad couldn't join me for my balanced diet because he's a hardlined carnivore; he eats spaghetti with minced meat everyday for sahur and the break of fast.

Oh wells, all the better since I can make my food stock last longer. Perhaps a couple of dishes for the neighbours the next round I cook those two dishes again, perhaps.

Right now, as weird as it sounds, I feel rather happy eating chicken soup and mixed vegetables. Although they cost me a bomb (broccoli is very expensive), I am rather pleased that I got to eat a proper meal after such a long time.

Now, who would've ever thought that anyone would miss eating vegetables?

--------------------------------

On another note, something happened today....

Something big.

Something unavoidable...

Its...

Its......

Its.........

ITS RAINY WAINY'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

Yes, the same kental one whom rawdah nipplehead (as linsy so commonly refers to as) calls "CUTE".

Oh, allow me to PUKE OUT ALL THE FOOD THAT I HAVE EATEN FOR THE BREAK OF FAST upon repeating that line.

Ok done.

as I was saying, ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY, SMELLY RAIN PIE!

Yes lah yes lah, for this special day, I shall (reluctantly) admit that you are *coughs* cute...

Happy birthday smelly little pig!

2006-09-30T01:02:00.000+08:00

Your Japanese name should be

'Aki'

which means "autumn".

You can be compared with autumn, the way the autumn weather changes, is how your feelings change. You have these mood swings you can't control; one moment you're happy, the next you're feeling almost depressed. You're probably sensitive and creative.
Take this quiz!

- and that explans my MSN nick.

I like bloghopping; I usually source for my quizzes and irritating tags that my boobies despise so much from the most unusual of sources.

Ah maybe not so unusual. Forgive me for talking rubbish.

Listening to the slightly heady, melancholic-rock tunes of Evanescence at 12.51 in the am does this kind of things to you.

Or maybe I'm just tired and without a focus in life.

Or maybe I'm feeling torn apart- rebellion calls me forth, to embrace it, to let life go; propriety holds me back; my feet bound to the earth in chains as I sturuggle to re-affirm reality, to find order out of chaos, to make sense out of nothing- I'm....

I'm...

I'm............

I'm.......................

I'm....................................

I'm not sure if I should do my Day 1 RJ which was due 2 days ago, or leave it be and settle for a C/D grade

(simply because I'm lazy)

I'm lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy.

If I were an animal, I would be a sloth.

Pfffffffffffffht.

I hate being lazy, but I love its priveleges too much to give it up anytime.

[and i realised im drifting farther from you]

For fun.

2006-09-27T14:15:00.000+08:00

1) Full Name: Jamilah B Md Lutfi Lim
2) Name Backwards: mil iftul dm b halimaj (HAHAHAHA who is Mil Iftul dm Bin Halimaj?)
3) Meaning of names: The Beautiful one... (I think I should change my name -_-)
4) Nickname: Jam, Jamsy Whamsy, Jamsy
5) Screen Name: What screen name. You want me to screen my name ah?
6) D.O.B: 1sh Dec 1987, 9 days before Sai kental's birthday. Hehe.
7) Place of Birth: Toa Payoh Hospital (No more already)
8) Nationality: Singaporean
9) Current Location: At home. No XX Jalan Semerbak X, Taman Bukit XXXXXX, Pasir Gudang Johor.
10) Star Sign: Sagittairus
11) Height: 170cm. Eh Sai. You are NOT 170 cm lah. You are 172 cm. Sheesh.
12) Religion: Islam
13) Weight: You think Sai don't tell I will tell meh? OF COS NOT!
14) Shoe Size: 9.5-10.5
15) Hair colour: Black.
16) Eye colour: Dark chestnut brown. Really!!!
17) Who do you look like: A human being.
18) Innie or outtie: A good balance of both
19) Lefty or Righty: Righty, but can write abit with my left. Just need more practice. Lol.
20) Gay, straight, bi or others: Straight
21) Best Friend: All my boobies
22) Best Friend you trust the most: Secret cannot tell. Hehe.
23) Favourite Pals: My boobies, WeBlog IG members
24) Best friend of opposite sex: Erm.
25) Best Buddies: Refer to question 23..It seems like the same question to me. (Yeah lor, Sai. Ape je kan, this stupid question maker)
26) Boyfriend or Girlfriend: If I am a straight girl, I will be a girlfriend lah! Stupid question.
27) Crush: None currently. Send some my way? Please?Hehe..
28) Parents: MOHD LUTFI LIM and SITI FATIMAH (hahahahaha ye ye, anak lutfi lim)
29) Worst enemy: Satan?
30) Favourite online guy: HUH? Got such thing meh?
31) Favourite online girl: HUH. What does this mean?
32) Craziest Friend: ASHMI PRAVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
33) Advice Friend: Can I say my mother?
34) Loudest Friend: NurAdilah Bte Rahmat (high five, Sai!)
35) Person you cry with: My bolster. Sai sibuk aje cry with her pillow. *sniffs*
36) Any sisters: My darling KGC! And Snaily Waily!
37) Any Brothers: MOHD ISA LIM KENTAL BUSUK and MOHD NOR ROHDIAINSTEIN. Ok however you spell that name.
38) Any pets: I used to have hamsters and a terrapin... Sadly all err... are... deceased. *coughs*
39) Any diseases: Mild asthma.
40) Pager: Wahlau... living in which century this one?
41) Personal Phone line: Mobile phone line count? :D
42) Phone: Motorola E398. A hardy and feature rich phone, cheap too!
43) Lava Lamps: I dont have lamps either, Sai. -_-
44) Pool or Hot tub: Ohhh... pool!!! I LOVE LOTS OF WATER!
45) A car: You want to give me one?
46) Your personality: Enthusiastic, philosophical, lazy.
47) Driving: Whoever that needs some drive, UP THE WALL.
48) Room: What room. Stupid question.
49) What's missing: Significant other.
50) School: Republic Polytechnic
51) Bed: Nope, not in bed right now.
52) Relationship with parents: Alhamdullilah! We get along quite fine now!! I heart my mama alot!
53) Believe in yourself: Not really. Low self esteem, yada yada... the usual angsty teen.
54) Believe in love at first sight: YES!
55) Good listener: I talk better than I listen? But I solve better than I talk? Ok whatever.
56) Get along well with parents: Yes! Syukur Alhamdullilah!
57) Save e-mail Conversation: Its automatically saved.
59) Believe in reincarnation: No.
60) Make fun of people: yes... occasionally.... muahahha
61) Like to talk on the phone: YES!! (cannot chat with sai one.. HAHAHA)
62) Want to get married: NO PROMISES (HAHAHAHAHAH)
63) Like to drive: Of course!!! I would like to learn please!
64) Motion Sickness: Yes.
65) Eat stem of broccoli: Yes.
66) Eat chicken with fork: No lah, eat with spatula. -_-
67) Dream in colour: Sometimes. Not vivid though...
68)Type with your fingers on home role: Home role tu apa ah?
69) Sleep with stuff animals: Buy for me? *blinks eyes cutely*
70) Next to you:No..thing I hope. *gulps*
71) On the wall of your room: Motivational posters! Mirror! Err... FAN!
72) On your mousepad: ANGEL BABY ON BOARD... What else... MY MOUSE LAH! STUPID!
73) Dream Car: An MPV
74) Dream Date: Ooooohs. Romantic walk on the beach at sunset.... Splendid...
75) Dream Honeymoon Spot: Paris
76) Dream Husband or wife: Caring, understanding, not selfish, able to guide me on the right path, cute (hehe can't resist), faithful, Learned, Muslim, not as smart as me (I must be smarter I dun care :p), able to bear with my nonsense and err... okaylah lazy to type.
77) Bedtime: Depends on whether its a schooling day or not.
78) Under your bed: Floor. -.-
79) Single most important question: Will I go to heaven?
80) Bad time of the day: Depends.
81) Your worst fear: My family going off first than me... I want to die before everyone else dies :(
82) The weather is: Dark, storm-ish. I think cos my house suddenly so dark.
83) Time: 2:32 PM
84) Date: 27 September 2006
85) Best trick did on someone: fORGOT.
86) Theme song: Dunno.
87) Hardest thing about growing: You keep growing and growing.... HAHAHAHAA
88) Funniest Experiences: Too many.
89) Scariest Experience: Read bakajam's post
90) Sillest thing that you've ever said: To a gil who looked like a boy in the toilet- " THIS IS A GIRL'S TOILET YOU KNOW". (ask me for full version, and the mistaken person is IN MY CLASS!)
91) Most desperate & funniest thing you have done to get the opposite sex: Erm.
92) Scariest thing you have done with your friend: Erm.
93) Worst feeling: Feeling guilty. :(
94) Best feeling in the world: BLISS~

Now, 06 people to do this :
___________
___________
___________
___________
___________
___________

Nah. Fill in the blanks.

In this blessed month of Ramadhan, Read, Read in the name of Thy Lord who hath created thee from a congealed blood.

2006-09-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

Ramadan - Month of the Qur'an

By Br. Abu Dharr

(Based on Ibn Rajab's "Lata`if al-Ma`arif" and other sources)

The first part of this is based on an extract from Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali's Lata'if al-Ma'arif (pp. 179-182), quoted by Fahd bin Sulaiman in Kayf Nastafeed min Ramadan (pp. 48-50). The advice given in this article is all the more important now that we are in the last ten nights of Ramadan. Imam Bukhari reports from 'Aishah that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would tighten his waist-cloth (i.e. detach himself from his wives), spend the night in worship and awake his family, during the last ten nights of Ramadan. Ramadan is nearly over, so make the most of this precious opportunity!

Ramadan has a special relationship with the Qur'an, of course:

"The month of Ramadan is the one in which the Quran was sent down, a guidance for mankind, clear proofs for the guidance, the Criterion; so whoever amongst you witnesses this month, let him fast it." (cf. Surah al-Baqarah 2:185)

[The word 'so' (fa) in this ayah leads to the following paraphrase of one aspect of its meaning: "Fast this month because it is the one in which the Qur'an was sent down"]

Ibn 'Abbas narrates "that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) was the most generous person, and he would be at his most generous in Ramadan because Jibril would come to him every night and he would rehearse the Qur'an with him." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Eng. trans. 6/486)

This hadith contains recommendation of the following:

Studying the Qur'an in Ramadan; (reading, reciting @ night)
coming together for this purpose; (read in congregation, i.e. jemaah)
checking (one's memory/knowledge of) the Qur'an with someone who has preserved it better; (with someone who is of a higher standard, or who has learnt it more, so that you are guided upon the right path)
increasing recitation of the Qur'an in Ramadan; (self explanatory)
that the night time is the best time to recite, when other preoccupations decrease and it is easier to concentrate, as in Surah al-Muzzammil 73:6.

Further, Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated from her father (may Allah bless him and grant him peace), who told her that Jibril would rehearse the Quran with him (in Ramadan) once every year, and he did so twice in the year of his death. (Bukhari 6/485)

After mentioning the above aspects of the Sunnah, Ibn Rajab talks about the situation of the Salaf (the early Muslims) during Ramadan:

"... Some of the Salaf would complete reciting the whole Quran during the night prayer of Ramadan every 3 days, others every 7 days e.g. Qataadah, others in 10 days e.g. Abu Rajaa' al-Atardi. The Salaf would recite Quran in Ramadan in Prayer as well as outside it. Al-Aswad would finish the Quran every 2 nights in Ramadan; Ibrahim an-Nakh'I would do likewise in the last 10 nights specifically, & every 3 nights during the rest of the month. Qataadah would regularly finish the Quran in 7 days, but in 3 days during Ramadan, when he would study the Quran especially, and every night during its last 10 days. Al-Zuhri would say when Ramadan began, 'It is recitation of the Quran and feeding of people.' When Ramadan began, Imam Malik would cease narrating Hadith and sitting with the people of knowledge, and stick to reciting the Quran from its pages, while Sufyan al-Thawri would leave other acts of worship and stick to reciting the Quran. 'Aishah would recite from the pages of the Quran at the beginning of the day in Ramadan (i.e. after Dawn to morning), until when the sun had risen, she would sleep. Zayd al-Yaami would bring copies of the Quran when Ramadan began and gather his companions around him. ..."

Ibn Rajab later continues, "The forbiddance of completing recitation of the Quran in less than 3 days applies to this being made a regular practice, but as for favoured times such as Ramadan, esp. the nights in which Laylat al-Qadr is sought, or favoured places such as Makkah for the visitor, it is recommended to increase reciting the Quran to avail the time and place. This is the view of Ahmad, Ishaq & other Imams, and the practice of others indicates this too."

The purpose here is not to discuss whether or not the latter view is correct or not, since that is purely academic for most of us, as we do not get anywhere near reciting the whole Quran in three days! However, the practice of the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace), his Companions, and those who followed their path, should be clear enough. As a further example, Bukhari (3/79) quotes from the noble Companion Zaid bin Thabit who answered the question, "How much time was there between the pre-dawn meal and the Dawn Prayer?" by saying, "Enough time to recite fifty ayat"; since the practice of the Arabs was to measure time in terms of everyday actions, this shows that the Sahabah were pre-occupied with the Qur'an, especially in Ramadan.

Compare all this with our sad state, when we talk so much about establishing Islam, implementing the Quran, etc. and yet have such little contact with it, maybe not completing its recitation ever at all since childhood, or perhaps never! Hence we become imbalanced in our understanding of Islam, because there are ayat which we rarely or never hear or think about; we repeat only certain selected ayat over and over again; we lost the context of the verses, the overall flow, argument and balance of the Quran, all of which is beautiful & miraculous. Because of this ignorance we go astray from the Straight Path, split up into sects, lose the blessings of Allah ...

"We took a covenant from those who said: we are Christians, but they forgot part of the message with which they had been reminded, so we ingrained amongst them enmity and hatred until the Day of Judgment..." (Surah al-Ma'idah 5:14)

In Sahih Bukhari (6/521), there is an amazing piece of advice from the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace): "Recite the Quran as long as your hearts agree on it; if you disagree about it, stop reciting it (for the time being)" -- studying the Quran should bring people together!

In Surah al-Mu'minoon (23:53), there is mention of the people before us (in whose footsteps we would follow), who broke up their Deen into sects (zuburan), each party rejoicing in what it had. One understanding of this, from the word zuburan meaning literally 'books', is that each sect left the Book of Allah, & concentrated solely on the books of its own sect, so "they split their deen up into books"!

The most twisted, ridiculous, shallow ideas, innovations and superstitions are propagated amongst Muslims when they are away from the Quran, because any little knowledge of the Quran would be enough to dispel them.

Hence, O slave of Allah, leave aside secondary books and concentrate on studying the Blessed Book of Allah in this Blessed Month (use a good translation/commentary if needed), for it is the source of all Knowledge in other books, and keep away from wasting time, especially in futile discussions and arguments which lead nowhere, for that is a sure sign of being misguided, as the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, "Whenever a people went astray after they had been on guidance, they were given to argumentation (jadl)." (Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah - Sahih al-Jami' al-Saghir, no. 5633)

Finally, remember that the Messenger (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) will complain to Allah on the Day of Judgment that his people neglected the Qur'an (Surah al-Furqan 25:30). Neglect of the Qur'an is of different levels, as Ibn al-Qayyim writes:

not reciting or listening to it;
not studying and understanding it;
not conveying its message;
not judging by it in personal and communal matters, at all levels of society;
not believing in it.

All Praise is due to Allah SubahanaWata'aLa, Lord of the Worlds.

- Taken from Islaam.com

2006-09-21T14:46:00.000+08:00

I recall sometime back I was having a... (more than) hearty chat with one of my best buddies, Yz, when he revealed to me a hidden political conspiracy that was going on right under my nose, when I was back in Tanglin's Class PE01-09.

I thought he was all cool lah, this guy, whom we shall herein refer to as "Xhole" since, well, I like the letter X to refer to an anonymous or hidden identity and he's an ass, so thus the Xhole. Anyways, Xhole appeared to be an easy-going person, funny even, although his jokes err on the side of being too sensitive, yet its still FUNNY, you know? Like the insulting kind of funny. Ah! I know! Like my dad. His jokes are like that- the sarcastic, yet ironically funny types.

Anyway that Xhole, I thought he was all cool with me yaw, we ain't no enemies, yaw, so I treated him as one of our group, yaw. Ok, I suck at nigga speak, thus I shall stop.

I never suspected ONCE that he would be the sort to talk bad about me behind my back, let alone base his allegations and/or lewd conclusions about my behaviour/character on something as trivial as the way I play Counter-Strike.

I thought he was a nice, friendly guy, albeit a little introverted sometimes, and rather bitchy though, when it came to being the one "Who knows everything", but it has never once come across my mind that he can be so vile and cruel to try to say bad things about me, JUDGING ME from the way I play CS, which was "SNEAKY". <-- Yz said he said that I played in a sneaky way. -_-" Yz even said he (yz) hated me once cos of that bloody bastard's influence. Chao Cheebye. Xhole oh Xhole. What the fuck did I ever do to you besides pwning your sorry un-sexy fat panda ass in CS? HUH? CS is a game of strategy and skill. You lose, you blame me. Jeez. Why don't you blame yourself? Then lose already, judge my character and whatevers based on the WAY I FUCKING PLAY, AND try to turn my friends against me. Like hello? Lucky Snail saw through and knew that I wasn't what he said I was. I love snail can! She sees the simple picture, unlike some Xholes I know. *sniffs* The epitome of stupidity and childishness, all condensed, no, wait, no need to condense, got alot of space in those fats of his (ok, I know I'm contradicting myself here since I'm fat myself, but he has real fat and no muscle power. HAH. I beat him at hand wrestling, NYEH HEH.) to store all that stupidity, cowardice and childishness. Pffffhht. I was real mad, I recall when yz told me that. Imagine that, he tried to turn my adik against ME?! WHAT THE TITS?! Did I like, steal his boyfriend or something? Throw a pie on his face? Color all his underwear purple? Fucked around with his mother? (LoL, shut up, It don't make no sense, bear with me for a while) No right? Then why the CHEEBYE did he try to do that against me? Anyways, all is well now since I BLOCKED HIM ON MSN ( I love to block people I hate or am angry at lol) and well, my darling bro is on MY SIDE. Nanny nanny poo poo, YOU CAN'T BRING ME DOWN. Asshole. Nah here's his face for all of you to see:

2006-09-21T10:45:00.000+08:00

I AM VERY FEDDUP.

I am having extremely discomforting stomach cramps, a terrible headache on the left side of my head, aching... knees (ok, maybe the back of the knees; the muscle, tendons, ligaments, WHATEVER SHIT), aching shoulders, and classmates who segregated themselves into groups whereby they stick to the people they know since they are ex-classmates and creating a LOUD, BIG, IRRITATING AND NOISY ruckus which is NOT a GOOD, RELAXING and CONDUCIVE ENVIRONMENT FOR MY TIRED BRAIN AND BODY AND WHATEVERS.

AND MY TEAM MEMBERS MIA-ED from 9 to 10.30, and only NOW then they return back, THE Bloody problem statement is not released yet, I have no idea where the fucking problem is aiming at; I can only guess fats and I have no idea why because this module is MCB; Molecular Cell Biology or CMB like the faci says NUS students like to say and there is THIS FUCKING IRRITATING BEEPING SOUND EMANATING FROM GOD KNOWS WHERE WHICH IS IRRITATING THE HELL OUT OF ME.

THE BLOODY Rpnet is being a bitch by having slow speeds and the frequent "Connection was reset" error that's driving the nuts out of me (wait, driving nuts out of me is good?) MSN REFUSES TO LET ME SIGN IN, Blogger takes eternity to load and MOST IMPORTANTLY,

GOOGLE WON'T LOAD MY SEARCH QUERY.

HOW TO BLOODY DO WORK LIKE THAT?

Wait, I am ranting, aren't I?

I don't care I want to rant about assholes and shitty first days of school.

PMS is making me a bloody bitch, I DON'T CARE I WANT TO BITCH.

Some idiot made some stupid ignorant comment about a tudung; "If one day you forgot to wear the tudung, you can use the curtain"

LIKE MEH.

Which IDIOT forgets to wear a tudung to school?

Stupid ignorant bitch. Can't believe dumbbells like him/her is in my class; I think it’s a her cos the voice sounds like a girl's

And OH.

I JUST WANNA GO HOME AND SLEEP UNDER THE WARM COVERS OF MY BLANKET AND SLEEP STOMACH CRAMPS AWAY.

Ggrrragh.

I AM HATING CLASS NOW.

2006-09-19T15:14:00.000+08:00

Okays, like all other eager, nail biting, excited students waiting for their class allocation results, I, too, quickly logged into LEO (LearningEnvironmentOnline, for those not in the know) at 12:00hrs exactly to check the highly anticipated results. Gee, you could almost see the beads of sweat appear on my forehead in fervent ardour, and I even knew of students who almost died when the page loaded because they checked not their classes, but their FUTURE CLASSMATES, of whom some of them they did not like.

*rolls eyes*

Ahuh, ahuh. Which 2nd or 3rd Year RP student actually bothers to check their class? I mean, class can be class X, Y or Z for all I care, the first thing I'd check is to see WHO IS IN THE SAME CLASS AS ME!!

So, yes, I did check, and I spotted a few familiar names.

Firstly my darling Mira from WeBlog is in the same class as me (Cheers!!! But I knew that long ago, will explain why later)
Secondly, Randy from Pe01-09 as well (hmm... didn't know he chose anatomy, lol)
Thirdly, some girl named Valentina, I vaguely remember her name cos its a nice name, but if I'm not wrong, she was one of the girls who was in the same group as me for our batch's FOP. But I can't remember which one though. The tall one or the short one. Oh wells, I'll find out on thursday I guess. Heh.

Anyways, yeah, the reason why I expected Mira to be in the same class as me is because, well, take a good look at the picture below. Look at the total number of people in the class.

(Click for bigger view)

Yeah. Only 18 people. What a tiny class. So there's going to be like, 3 groups of 6 people? LoL. Happy sia! Less powerpoints!! WOo!

Anyways, the ~~stupid idiotic assholes~~ the hardworking wonderful people manning the Leo website ~~bloody~~ forgot (or have not) uploaded the rosters of my other modules, which happen to be THE MORE BLOODY IMPORTANT ONES!

*sniffs*

I guess, unlike my SIT, SEG and STA counterparts who HAVE RECEIVED ALL THEIR MODULES, I shall be a patient girl and wait like how a lady waits for her tea.

No grumbling.

Pfffhhhhhhfffffffts.

2006-09-19T02:32:00.000+08:00

WAH CHEEKEN THIGH.

I realised that the post below is DAMN EMO.

O.o'?

2006-09-19T01:58:00.000+08:00

I clicked the repeat button.

Oh, I don't know.

It was jaded anticipation, however ironic that sounds.

As I listlessly organized my music folders in preparation for the reformat of my C drive, the song just played on and on, embedding its soulful tunes into my mind.

"Show me a garden that's bursting into life"

This gives hope, the rollercoaster feeling radiating from the sentence; as it wistfully permeates into my debilitated body;

"If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Need, want, hope;

They just kept playing and playing and playing endlessly, the melodious yet elegiac tunes accompanying the seemingly heavy words.

"Those three words..."

"Are said too much; they're not enough"

"All that I am,

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes; they're all I can see"

And on and on.

I stop my work for a moment; trying to relinquish it all, to forsake the blanket of security that self-pity, sadness and grief allowed me, for that temporal period of time... and I hear the slow words emerge...

"I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel"

Satisfied, yet not, I took a deep breath going back to cutting and pasting songs into their appropriate folders as the song went on yet again. I applauded technology.

... Let's waste time// Chasing Cars// Around our heads//

I need your grace// To remind me// To find my own...

"I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all"

It climaxes into the melancholic end with the final chorus of the instruments merged into one.

2006-09-18T12:05:00.000+08:00

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 ppl at their tag board to ask them to do this!
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?
Gone- Kelly Clarkson

How aptly put. Pfffffhht. Stupid shuffle.

Will you get far in life?
Take me out- Franz Ferdinand

Hahaha that means only if you take me out.
Ok whatever -_-

How do your friends see you?
Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol

Guys, do I always daydream? *raises one eyebrow*

Will you get married?
No Promises- Shayne Ward.

LOL. So not confirmed hah?

What is your best friend's theme song?
You're beautiful- James Blunt

Aww... Gee... Thanks. *shy shy*

What is the story of your life?
Sudah- Nidji.

LOL.
Whateva. Cannot find a witty phrase for this cos it don't make no sense.

What was primary school like?
Start of something new- Zac & Vanessa; High School Musical

LOL. T'was a yes and a no, in a twisted sort of way. I mean, the school, people, teachers and curriculum were all new and... Oh, It's not supposed to be that kind of new right? Ok, whatever lah eh.

How far can I get ahead in life?
I promise- Stacie Orrico

You promise? Promise what? That I will get far? Is it? IS IT OH MS STACIE ORRICO?!!?!? PLEASE SAY IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

What is the best thing about me?
Ghost of me and you- BBMak

Erm.

What is today going to be like?
Catch your wave- The Click Five

Mmmm. I like.

What is in store for this weekend?
When it all falls apart- The Veronicas

Not nice. I don't like this song title as the answer.... *cries*

What song describes my parent(s)?
Don’t know why- Norah Jones.

LAWL.

To describe my grandparents?
What I've been looking for- Ashley & Lucas; High School Musical

HAHAHAHA

How is my life going?
Kiss me- Sixpence none the richer

Heh. My life is going "KISS ME!" HAHAHAHAHA imagine that. A life is not a definite noun anyway, so technically the sentence is already flawed in that aspect.... Ok, shut up, Jamsy.

How does the world see me?
There she goes- Sixpence none the richer

LAWLLL. The world sees me as "There she goes"... Emo yet again. -_-

Will I have a happy life?
Tears in heaven- Eric Clapton.

Oohs. What oh what does this mean? Oh gawd...

What do my friends really think of me?
Glory of Love- North

Ools. I am Love. Love is Jam. Jam is the love.

Whatever.

Do people secretly lust after me?
Don't dream its over- Sixpence none the richer

HAHAHAHAHAAHAA Wooo~~ I WISH.

-.-

How can I make myself happy?
Pudar- Rossa.

Hmm.... I have faced that decision point before, but I do not wish to take it.... Please?

What should I do with my life?
When you say you love me- Josh Groban

So... What should I do huh?

Will I ever have children?
In this life- Ronan keating

HAHAHAAHAHAHA yes, in this life I will have children. LOL!
Mmmm....

-------------------

Kids... Those noisy little brats, rude insolent, naughty, disgusting, puking little tots who look like absolute angels when they sleep... When they go "MAMA I LOVE YOU"... OH MY GOODNESS....

Ok, I shan't think much about this anymore. It kinda intrigues me, yet scares me off at the same time. I guess I shall leave fate and my life at the hands of Allah, I shall not be wont to expect or predict, but I shall pray. Hmm. Whatever.

Oh anyways, I have decided to be a more patient, caring, understanding, loving, gentle, obedient, filial person.

Because _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

Anyway, I shall tag none other than:

1. Linsy
2. Saiyidah
3. Nuwul
4. Dyl (YOU BETTER DO AH PRANGAI)
5. Mmmm... Ronald? LoL.

-----------------------

On a different note...

--Dealing with the Grief Process--

bla bla bla ..... bla bla bla.... the sense of loss can be that great. This is actually what triggers the grief process; the realisation that something or someone of extremely great value has been irretrievably lost to you in some capacity, maybe forever.

To give you an overview of what is involved in working through these emotions, here is a brief look at each step in the grief process.

1. Shock, Denial and Disbelief - When we desperately wish something were not true, we may subconsciously refuse to acknowledge it. The person may even try to minimise the impact of the shock by denying it even exists, or tell themselves it is nothing big a deal.

2. Emotional Release - Once reality begins to hit, there may be many tears and overwhelming emotions. The best way of coping with this is to let yourself feel these things and express them, but not on other people.

3. Depression and Isolation - These symptoms are pretty self-explanatory and are usually accompanied by self-pity over the loss, which leads to feeling cut off from others.

4. Physical Symptoms of Distress -These can be most perplexing and highly varied, ranging from extreme headaches to chest pain, nausea, and difficulty in breathing. You won't die though. You just feel like you will.

5. Panic - When you can think of nothing else but the loss and can't concentrate, you are in the "panic" stage. Usually dealt with by doing activities that disallow the person to spend too much time thinking about it, e.g. games, obsession with housework or going back to a bad habit, e.g. gambling, drinking, smoking.

6. Sense of Guilt - Basically, this is where you review in your mind all your previous contacts with the person thinking, "Where did I go wrong? Where did I fail them?" "Was I the cause of this?" "How did I contribute to this situation?" This can be fruitless unless you ask, "What can I do now?"

7. Anger and Resentment - "How dare they do this to me?" This question hits us after the initial sorrow wears off. Actually, it is a sign that we are healing. When a sick person is recovering from a prolonged illness, they begin complaining when they start feeling better. This means the road to recovery is under way. It can be a healthy sign, as long as we don't dwell on it and become bitter. Get it out and move on.

8. Resist Returning to Normal - Here is where you realise that "life goes on and so must I". Still, there is a hesitancy to leave the problem behind and move on. Grief has been like a blanket, a form of security. It's not easy to abandon it.

9. Hope Comes Through - One day you wake up feeling better. Usually, it is more like you notice that several days have gone by since you noticed the pain. Maybe you've been so busy with other things that you haven't had time to notice the loss. This is the key sign; your focus now turns outward instead of inward. The problem is there, but the personal hurt is gone. Or perhaps, there is some hope left to change things the way its supposed to. God works in mysterious ways, you feel.

10. Struggle to Affirm Reality - Life is back to normal for the most part. From time to time, the memories or realisations will sweep over you. The person is probably still around and there may be occasional crises to deal with, but it's not the same. Everything has receded to a much more rational perspective.

- Taken from a very trusty and reliable source.

2006-09-16T11:39:00.000+08:00

I was err... sober for 1 month and 8 days.

I told myself, why make yourself unhealthy? Why succumb to the temptation of feeling better, which had a less than long lasting effect? Why fill your young mind, arteries and lungs with chemicals? Why? So, I stopped.

---------

I thought I could handle it.
I thought I prepared myself well for it.

But, things proved different when I woke up after 2 hours of sleep, ready for the next day.

Suddenly, all that you said went through my mind, pelting itself one after against my mind another in rapid succession. That can't be. What the hell was I thinking the night before? I guess, in the depths of the night; in the silence of the ungodly hours, strange thoughts creep into your mind. You say things you would not normally say in the day. Your mind takes on an alternate view.

When I pick up on something, and start investigating, my conclusion usually proves true, because there were many cases whereby gut instinct + tons of thinking = correct conclusion.

To be honest, I was afraid of the conclusion. I wanted to tell myself, no, it was not to be. I played around with the myriad of scenarios, whereby I finally get the answer.

Little did I expect it to be that day, out of the blue.

My initial reaction was "Gawd, I was right".

Sometimes, I hate myself for thinking too much. Because my conclusion would usually turn out correct. Its become so eerie, its like almost predicting something.

I have always been a lucky child. What I wanted, or desired, I usually got it. I thank God for that, but sometimes, I wish I didn't say it sooner.

Well, as fate would have it, I got it.

Ok, that was not for you. Just a random thought.

Its always I thought, I thought, I thought.

I thought I could handle it well.
I thought that it would not affect me.
I thought that que sera sera.
I thought that rational thinking will always save me from whatever.

But I forgot that I have feelings too.
And sometimes, these feelings combine together with my morality, and wham, I get back to square one.

I honestly don't know what to think.
I don't know how to feel,
I don't know how to react,
I have unanswered questions running through my mind,
I keep questioning the validity of your claim,
I keep asking myself; was it all a dream? A nightmare?
I keep wanting to tell myself no, it didn't happen.

Because you and it does not sound right.

IT JUST DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT COMING FROM YOU.

Shock at knowing the truth, relief that it was finally answered, denial that it is the truth, and jadedness in knowing that I can't do anything about it.

IT JUST SOUNDS SO WRONG.

SO WRONG.

Nothing but you and it has been on my mind since the moment I woke up that morning.
The whole day, the whole time, the whole night, thoughts have been playing the merry-go-round my in my head- when, why, how- especially since when.

I just don't know what to think now. Really.

And just within 2 hours, god changed my life, made me go back down into the dumps of depression-esque thoughts, and basically made me more... Oh I don't know.

I... I...I.... Need someone to talk to. Bad.

I'm sorry if I let you down with this post... Cos I myself don't know why I would wanna be bothered with it in the first place.

Sometimes I wish I was a cat, or a rabbit or a hamster, without a care in the world, just be myself and mind my own business.

Oh gawd, help me.

And to think I was having so much fun in the day, the fun was better than all the orgasms in the world.

Sigh.

2006-09-14T11:24:00.000+08:00

The problem with GUYS:

If you TREAT him nicely,he says you are IN LOVE with him;
If you Don't, he says you are PROUD.

If you DRESS Nicely,he says you are trying to LURE him;
If you Don't,he says you are from KAMPUNG.

If you ARGUE with him,he says you are STUBBORN;
If you keep QUIET,he says you have no BRAINS.

If you are SMARTER than him,he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than you, he is GREAT.

If you don't Love him,he tries to POSSESS you;
If you Love him,he will try to LEAVE you.

If you don't MAKE LOVE with him,he says you don't Love him;
If you do!!he says you are CHEAP.

If you tell him your PROBLEM, he says you are TROUBLESOME;
If you don't,he says that you don't TRUST him.

If you SCOLD him, you are like a MOTHER to him;
If he SCOLDS you, it is because he CARES for you.

- I got this from Sai's blog and dayuum, I agree with her!! :D

*does the high five sign*

2006-09-12T17:00:00.000+08:00

I know I'm being a little bitch for not updating this blog regularly. But you see, I'm am a lazy person.

The No. 1 reason why I refuse to blog about stuff is because (be prepared ah)...

I AM LAZY TO LOG IN TO BLOGGER DOT COM.

Tee hee.

For some unknown reason, this bloody little Acer computer of mine refuses to accept blogger's cookies and thus my sign in information cannot be saved. Therefore, each time I want to blog, I have to log in via the laggy bloggerdotfuckingcom page, whose page loading speed is rivalled only by Pentium I computers.

Pffffhhht.

And well, lets just say Malaysia's broadband is not as cepat as Singapore's one. Cannot blame poor Badawi; he's doing all he can to make sure Malaysia has bersih dan cantik, RM500,000 per cubicle state-of-the-art toilets for the utmost comfort to KL-ians; people like me facing less than berkualiti broadband service are insignificant what.

*sniffs*

Anyway, irk #2 on my list is because I think too rapidly, and by the time I wanna pen down my thoughts on say, world poverty or stupid twits who typee liikee thiiishh, I forget it all by the time bloggerdotcom loads and thus lose the enthusiasm to blog. Well, actually, if you pry deeper underneath the surface, the essential thing is well, I'm lazy to re-think it all again, and would rather read other people's blogs or play a game instead. Heh.

Irk #3 is due to the fact that I tend to write lengthy, the-end-is-light-years-away kind of posts, which I am aware readers abhor oh so much. Just between you and me, I also hate reading lengthy posts, unless its about an interesting topic (or topics), which in my case is rather rare, thus to prevent mass deaths due to boredom about what I did today or who I called or how many pimples have grown on my face, I would rather not talk about it at all.

Oh, speaking of pimples, I seem to have a major outbreak of zits (yet again) on my T-fucking-zone. Ok lah, maybe more of the top of the T; the horizontal line.

(Hehe, couldn't help it.)

Ok lah.

See, told you its hard to blog when I have nothing interesting to blog about.

hurhur.

:(

Cheebay!

My swan song for roti-kaya-jam

You and me

MY NEW CRUSH!

+/-

HEXON YOU ARE SO GOING TO DIE.

Finally some happy stuff. XD

My unhealthy habit. lol.

Meh?

Its kinda funny how life likes to make me unhappy

The promise.

Questioning the world

5 days. Fiii-v--eee

Drink up, sweet decadence

XXIII

current mood: lost

Dum-de-doo.

Musings from an awed mind

update schmuckdate

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

_|_

10 things I want to say out loud, off the top of my head.

Happyness

LELS.

Show me how it ends~

Mama, I love youuuuu...

The other person

"The hardest part of staying on is letting go."

Where restricted means anyone can read it -_-"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To thee, oh how have I staind my hands with my foolishness...

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

Itchyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

w/e

Hi. Kthxbai.

La-la-lahs.

Dream in a dream, my dream was.

Cheebay!

I love you; Northern and Southern blots

Allow me to dream for a while, LOL

like thosai like life

And, fuck YOU again.

fuck you.

I had immunology today. I also had a blank RJ in which I could write whatever I wanted.

The power of a comma. Period.

Making a mockery of love

Me and the brother

Idealism is a fantasy, not reality =D

The seeker

COUGH-CHOO!

Ouch.

It's times like this

5 things you want to say to 5 people you can't name (Part I)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SAI!

Friendship- An ephemera

The peak of Mount. Emo

Just get me out

Yura Yura by Hearts Grow (Naruto 9th Opening Lyrics)

rant

Commandment # 3 of The Ten Commandments (Basic Courtesy edition)

Speaking of malicious intents bordering the line of murder...

*gentle reminder* [I'll post as and when I want to]

Of coffee and anti-virus scans

I HATE TODAY'S TEAM.

My panda rhapsody

Today is...

For fun.

In this blessed month of Ramadhan, Read, Read in the name of Thy Lord who hath created thee from a congealed blood.

Ramadan - Month of the Qur'an

By Br. Abu Dharr

gentle reminder [I'll post as and when I want to]